Our savvier readers may have noticed how goddamned ridiculous that last sentence sounded, and with good reason. The story was based entirely on a series of anonymous posts in a Chinese forum that have since been deleted. Sony never dignified the story with a response, and remains firm in its assertion that the "blue light of death" is a simple defect affecting a very small percentage of consoles.
The New Xbox Can't See You Naked
Reports are swirling around the Internet that claim the camera on the new Xbox is so sensitive that it can actually see through your clothing. Naturally, after the initial harrowing discovery was made, the news that people may have paid $500 for a voyeuristic robot spread like wildfire, because no one wants to think they accidentally purchased Billy Baldwin's character from Sliver in tiny plastic-boxed form.
John M. Heller/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"Honestly, for $500 you could just buy the real me."
The problem is actually twofold -- first, every single source claimed that video was created by a guy named Mark Wilson, who noticed that he was swinging some serious pole when he went to upload the video later. Well, here's the original video, which is an official tech demo made by Microsoft that, as you may notice, contains not a single human being named Mark Wilson. Second, as you watch the video, it becomes immediately clear that the "dong" in question is just a fold in the guy's jeans. But the rumor spread so quickly that Microsoft actually had to step in and tell everyone what incredible jackasses they were being. Because, let's be honest, if Microsoft really wanted to see your dick, all they have to do is make an Xbox with a built-in camera that is constantly running.
Evan V. Symon is a moderator at the Cracked Workshop. He can be found on Facebook, and be sure to bookshelf and vote for his new book The End of the Line.