Teddy Ruxpin's gigolo cousin up there was created by the husband and wife team of Wendy Adams and Robert Harmon. Adams suggests, "You can leave it out in plain sight, and you can cuddle with it," cleverly targeting the much-neglected "people who want guests, including probably children, unwittingly fondling their crusty fuck socks" market. If you're confused about why you need a specially designed teddy bear to hump, when presumably any old discard who's fallen on hard times and started working the corner of Al's Toy Barn would do, well, we're right there with you. What makes this guy special, though, is that he's got "a protruding tongue that vibrates at a high frequency when you press on its right ear," according to the article, so it's actually remarkably human in that respect. Simply stick the bear's tongue in your favorite orifice and let it go to town.
Harmon says, "The best part about it is it doesn't have to come up for air." OK, first of all -- yes, you know what really sucks about having sex with other humans? The fact that they have a pulse. Second: Make up your minds. Are we supposed to cuddle this thing or mercilessly suffocate it along with our ability to feel feelings? The bizarrely classy ads on the official website seem to suggest it's the latter:
"Neither is dignity."