For single people, this is a hard time of year, and not in the good way. Seeing all those happy couples makes you just want to beat them over the head with an industrial-sized dildo, but you can't, because that's probably a brand-new crime that they haven't even named yet, so they would name it after you. You can, however, do the next-best thing and beat yourself with that dildo -- there's nothing wrong with loving yourself, even (especially) in the biblical sense.
Except when there is. Sometimes there very, very much is, particularly when science decides that the whole curing cancer thing is a total snoozefest and that coming up with inventive new ways to whack off is where it's at. The resulting marriage between the highest and lowest technologies is a union you wouldn't call holy, unless you were referring to actual holes.
5 Teddy Love: The Teddy Bear That Loves Back (With Oral Sex)
It used to be common sense that, if you're into fucking teddy bears, that is strictly between you and the poor sack of cotton whose innocence you've defiled. That's clearly not the stance of the terrifying brains behind Teddy Love, the world's first toy bear that gets covered in bodily fluids by design, not by accident.
"And me in 10 levels of hell."