He Represents Every American
Steven Seagal shatters all racial boundaries and appeals to every possible demographic simultaneously. Thanks to his shapeless, melting snowman physique and nonspecific ethnicity, Seagal has successfully portrayed a person of virtually every race and nationality -- he has been a Russian, a Native American, a Hispanic, an Italian, and a plain old white dude. He may have even been an Eskimo once. The only ethnicity he has (so far) been unable to play is African-American, although he has made several films in which he surrounds himself with black actors to try to blend in.
"See? We both fight with karate swords. We're basically twins."
He Is a Mystical Medicine Shaman
Steven Seagal has the answer to the health care debate: You don't need fancy big city doctors flapping their gums about "dialysis" and "major organ failure" when you've got diet and vitamins.