5 Reasons Ol Dirty Bastard's Biopic Must be a Superhero Film

5

He Had a Dark Side

Nobody wants a clean-cut superhero. Any good comic book will dedicate at least a page or so to reminding the reader that their hero might enjoy fighting crime, but he also enjoys putting on ladies' clothing and beating himself with a bicycle chain. (We forget what comic that was specifically.)

4

He Had an Alter Ego

Nobody just comes out of the womb named Spider-Man. Something has to happen along your path that sets you on a course that ends with you putting on ridiculous costumes and spreading good throughout the world. And before it happens, you're just a regular dude named Peter Parker or Clark Kent.

Or maybe Russell Jones. That was Ol' Dirty Bastard's name. But if his lyrics were to be believed, he also likely had a driver's license in the following names as well:

Dirt Dog, Dirt McGirt, Ason Unique, Osirus and Big Baby Jesus.

Just joking. There's no way that dude had a valid driver's license. He had that alter ego shit down though, yeah?

3

Every Superhero Has a Weakness

Superman can stop a bullet just by glaring at it. He can literally pick up the Earth and throw it in the unlikely event that such an act would somehow be beneficial instead of killing us all instantly. He can see through women's clothes! There's literally nothing Superman can't do. But put him in front of a pile of kryptonite and he's useless.

2

He Had Super Strength

Here's the scene: Ol' Dirty Bastard is in a Brooklyn recording studio when he witnesses a car accident. He rushes to the area of the crash and finds a little girl trapped underneath a car. With the help of a few friends, he then proceeds to lift the vehicle off of the little girl, allowing her to escape.

As if that wasn't superheroic enough already, he then visited the girl at the hospital but refused to reveal his true identity to the family. Here's hoping he didn't go with the "Big Baby Jesus" alias when they asked. An awfully inappropriate choice at a moment like that.

But ODB's rescue of an endangered child should come as no surprise, because like any good superhero ...

1

He Cares About the Children

One of ODB's most famous outbursts happened in 1998 at the Grammy Awards. Disappointed that he and his crew had lost an earlier award to P. Diddy, Ol' Dirty Bastard crashed the stage when Shawn Colvin was supposed to be accepting the award for song of the year.

After explaining that he had bought a suit that "costed a lot of money today" because he expected his group to win, he pointed out that, at the end of the day, Wu-Tang is all about the children. He may not give a shit about Shawn Colvin's moment, but she's an adult and can fend for herself. But the kids? They need a hero, and Ol' Dirty Bastard was the hero they were looking for.

Sort of.