Anyway, Ol' Dirty Bastard had a criminal history so vast that the FBI kept a running file on him. That's a level of don't-give-a-fuckitude that's reserved for only the top tier superheroes of the world.
Among his more notable offenses was an attempted murder charge for shooting at two police officers during a traffic stop. The charges were dropped. Rest assured, "normal" people don't shoot at cops and get away with it.
Normal people also don't casually stroll into a shoe store and shoplift a pair of $50 Nikes while carrying $500 cash in their pocket. Ol' Dirty Bastard did that, though.
So just think of him like Hancock, except he's a much better rapper.
Nobody just comes out of the womb named Spider-Man. Something has to happen along your path that sets you on a course that ends with you putting on ridiculous costumes and spreading good throughout the world. And before it happens, you're just a regular dude named Peter Parker or Clark Kent.
Or maybe Russell Jones. That was Ol' Dirty Bastard's name. But if his lyrics were to be believed, he also likely had a driver's license in the following names as well:
Dirt Dog, Dirt McGirt, Ason Unique, Osirus and Big Baby Jesus.
Just joking. There's no way that dude had a valid driver's license. He had that alter ego shit down though, yeah?
3
Every Superhero Has a Weakness
Superman can stop a bullet just by glaring at it. He can literally pick up the Earth and throw it in the unlikely event that such an act would somehow be beneficial instead of killing us all instantly. He can see through women's clothes! There's literally nothing Superman can't do. But put him in front of a pile of kryptonite and he's useless.
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