Our species likes to consider itself the master of the planet, but every now and then animals decide to remind us how staggeringly outnumbered we are by grouping together, seemingly for the express purpose of showing humans that we are barely competent meat puppets without our vaunted tool-building skills.
Truck driver Josh Call was returning to his rig after a coffee stop in Phoenix when he was suddenly attacked and stung over 20 times by a rogue swarm of bees that escaped from another truck, because apparently Call was hauling a trailer full of honeycombs and gypsy curses.
"Why did I record that Wu-Tang diss track?"
Meanwhile, a few states over in Atlanta, Georgia, a truck loaded with millions of honeybees overturned on the interstate and unleashed a thick, buzzing cloud of biblical vengeance on unsuspecting motorists, staining the motorway with gallons of honey that took more than half a day to clear away (the cleanup was presumably orchestrated by a team of forgetful bears).
The town of Gearhart, Oregon, is used to seeing elk wander through town, but when a herd of at least 50 came marching single file through the streets on a mission to the sea as if led on invisible reins by the hand of destiny herself, it became apparent how little any of the stupid bullshit we do every day truly matters to the universe.
"No, your kind may not join us. Maybe one day. When man has learned."
The herd strolled nonchalantly through downtown, occasionally stopping to ruin people's gardens and storefronts, on their way to the banquet of fauna that sprouts up along the coast this time of year. The local news site reporting the incident doesn't mention any blood sacrifices made on behalf of Gearhart for a prosperous new year, but then again it wouldn't, would it?
Kiara Keasley of Metairie, Louisiana, suddenly found herself living in an apartment overrun by more than 200 bats, which suggests that something else must have been seriously monopolizing her attention. She had noticed the bats hanging around outside her building, but had no idea they were just casing the joint for an eventual break-in.
After an exterminator arrived and pulled hundreds of the flying rabies injectors from her walls and vents, Keasley decided to move out and continue her game of Jumanji elsewhere.
A man diving in the Mozambique Channel off the coast of Madagascar quickly found himself surrounded by a school of dozens of hammerhead sharks, because when you play Yahtzee with fate, you occasionally roll all 1s and your chair legs snap and send you tumbling backward out the window.
Earth Touch News
"Sharks in the middle of the ocean? How?"
Luckily, the watery cloud of excrement he cunningly surrounded himself with was enough to dissuade the sharks, who decided they weren't terribly interested in him.
A London woman named Consi Taylor was enjoying a delicious banana when she noticed a white patch of fuzz on the peel that she initially thought was mold, until she remembered that mold usually doesn't move. She peered closer and came face to face with the horrific realization that dozens of baby spiders were hatching from an egg sac sewn angrily to the front of the banana and pouring out onto the table like a relentless nightmare.
At that moment, every light bulb in the house exploded. Probably.
Taylor snapped a photo and sent it to a local pest control agency, instead of setting a hammer on fire and destroying every flat surface in her kitchen, which is what we would have done. The exterminators helpfully informed her that the demon hatchlings in question appeared to be Brazilian wandering spiders, dubbed the most venomous in the world by Guinness. Radiation-suited quarantine soldiers were presumably then dispatched to burn her house to the ground and salt the ashes with the bone fragments of saints.
To hear her complain about invading spiders who won't be her friends, follow Manna on Twitter.