Dive-Bombing the Living Shit Out of the Sun
Solar Probe Plus is currently under construction, slated to launch in 2018, and seemingly took its mission cues from the movie Sunshine. Like a silently asphyxiating Lex Luthor who pushed Superman's buttons just once too often, Solar Probe Plus will dive into the sun's corona and explore such mysteries as "Why the hell is the sun's corona so much hotter than its surface?" and "How exactly do solar winds work?"
Mind you, nothing on Earth can withstand the corona's temperatures long enough to even reach the sun, and it's predicted that the probe will only make it within 4 million miles. But for us mere humans, that's really goddamn close to the sun. So no, it's with great sadness that we must report that nobody's going to have a body-disintegrating cosmic orgasm as a result of the Solar Probe Plus mission.
"There are some monkeys in there, but only bad ones."
You can read more from Chris at Laffington.com. Kier is a workshop moderator for Cracked (who you can also follow on Twitter).