Whether you're a terrible person or the literal ghost of Mother Teresa, it's human nature to cast yourself as the fearless hero of your own life story. For the majority of us, no one cares that we think of ourselves as Martin Luther King Jr. Jr.: The Remix. But when famous people compare their (often self-made) problems to civil rights icons or soldiers during wartime, the human race's collective IQ goes into a death spiral.
5 Illinois Congressional Candidate Compares Phil Robertson to Rosa Parks
In light of Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson's homophobic remarks and subsequent suspension from his own television show, many in the conservative Christian demographic sought to defend Robertson's "freedom of speech" and praised him for standing up for their beliefs (never mind that he was mostly talking about preferring vaginal sex to anal sex).
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"Unless it's an official Duck Dynasty butt mold, only $159 at Walmart."
For those remarks, a Mr. Ian Bayne, candidate for the Illinois 11th District, dug deep and decided that Robertson was the "Rosa Parks of our generation." Never mind that in the same interview Robertson argued that Southern blacks were perfectly happy under Jim Crow laws. Bayne believes that, much like how Parks took a stand against the unjust persecution of African-Americans, Robertson has taken a stand against the unjust persecution of Christians in our society, as the United States is basically ancient Rome with cars.
4 Rick Santorum Thinks Obamacare Is Like Apartheid
Nelson Mandela's recent death was almost universally greeted with mourning at the loss of a man who suffered on behalf of the cause of equality in a country of institutionalized racism. Rick Santorum, a former Republican presidential candidate and senator from Pennsylvania, decided that Mandela's death was the perfect vehicle to express his distaste for Obamacare.
Santorum told a Fox reporter that Mandela was fighting a great injustice in apartheid, which is about the only true thing he said in the interview. Santorum followed that up by saying that the greatest injustice in America is how Obamacare is bloating the government, and it needs to be fought. He might have picked the wrong issue to fight using Mandela as a symbol, because interestingly enough, Mandela himself instituted a fundamental right to health care in his South African Constitution.
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"They didn't mention that until the third paragraph of his wiki. Who has time for that much reading?"