It was at this point that an actual expert pointed out, in very great detail, that all the evidence points to it being a dolphin. This wasn't good enough for CNN, who somehow squeezed a whole article out of "Wait, no! One of the guys from Shark Week says it could still be a shark! Don't give up the dream, people."
Wow, No, O.J. Simpson Doesn't Have Brain Cancer
Take the rag away from your face, America: Now ain't the time for your tears. Earlier this month, Huffington Post, Washington Times, and International Business Times dealt this harsh blow to sports fans, Naked Gun fanboys, and wife-murder aficionados:
WHY, GOD, WHY? OK, yeah, but why else?
So what "report" is this according to, by the way?
"Bat Boy, Elvis offer their respects."
Yup. As MSN points out (while still fucking reporting it), the entire story comes from an "anonymous source" from the National Enquirer -- the same paper that broke ground exposing Oprah's terminal sickness, Brad Pitt's infidelity with Angelina, and of course this story from last July:
When asked if the story was true, an official at the Nevada Department of Corrections laughed. Granted, in this case that could still be a "yeah."
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