Turn-Ons: Prosperity and happiness, unlike all those other sourpuss candidates.
Turn-Offs: The Rule of Man.
Why You Should Consider Jill: Voting for "The Red-Headed Tax Cutter" and her Twelve Visions is hella cheaper than a seminar at the airport Marriott.
Vision One: Become the Person You Were Meant to Be
Vision Two: Live the Life You Were Meant to Live
Vision Three: Feel Extraordinary Every Day
Vision Four: Slow Down Aging Permanently
Vision Five: Land the Job of Your Passions
Vision Six: Build the Business of Your Passions
Vision Seven: Experience the Love of Your Life
Vision Eight: Have the Body You Always Envied
Vision Nine: Become a Genius of Society
Vision Ten: Have Everything You Ever Wanted
Vision Eleven: Ride a Prosperity Wave to Riches
Vision Twelve: Enjoy Nearly Perfect Health
Fun Fact: Jill was busy campaigning even through the Halloween holiday. Says commenter Cody: "Personally I find it disturbing that you put this crap in my childs candy on halloween...he is 5.. He cannot vote. I threw the candy away, because I wasn't sure if it was poisoned or not. I also will be going back to the house that gave it to him. leave your socialist bullshit to yourself."
Nelson Keyton, Roanoke, Virginia: Write-In Candidate
About Nelson: Nelson's a Big Ideas man. Beyond his support for silver- and gold-backed currency, he doesn't really get into any niggling details about how he would govern. But, really, who needs details when this is on the menu: "Wtih his understanding of the universe and it's principals Nelson Keyton can pull you into his world of safety and serenity."
Turn-Ons: Nelson Keyton.
Turn-Offs: Stupid dum-dums who have been running the show in this country the last 200-plus years.
Why You Should Consider Nelson: He is "a dim wick," "a bruised reed." "THIS SITE IS SET UP FOR WRITE IN CANDIDATE NELSON KEYTON...THE ONLY MAN IN EXISTENCE WHO CAN BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE THROUGH OVERWHELMING STRENGTH AND KNOWLEDGE...AN ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE WHO HAS STUDIED, RESEARCHED, AND IS READY TO IMPLIMENT THE TRUE WAY OF PEACE ON EARTH...A DIM WICK, WHO WILL NOT BE SNUFFED OUT...A BRUISED REED, WHO WILL NOT BE CRUSHED , UNTIL HE HAS ESTABLISHED THE TRUE WAY ON EARTH . WITH AN IQ OF OVER ( 200), NO PRESIDENT OR CANDIDATE CAN MATCH HIS KNOWLEDGE ON SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, OR ALMOST ANY OTHER SUBJECT....."
Fun Fact: Comments are disabled on the "What Do You Want Me To Do As President?" section of his website. Psych!