5 Conspiracy Theories That Are So Dumb They're Brilliant

As evidence of this grand satanic plot, believers point to the fact that a ton of celebrities are taking part in the challenge and, as we all know, celebrities are totes in league with the author of all sin. Case in point -- for her ice bucket video, Lady Gaga dressed in black, and instead of a bucket, she used a silver bowl, an object that has only ever been used for evil. Likewise, Bill Gates built a flimsy bucket-dumping rig clearly evocative of the Temple of Solomon and not just a pile of random bullshit in his backyard.

YouTube
"Nailed it."

It is important to note that the Temple of Solomon is a biblical structure that has absolutely nothing to do with the devil.

The most shameless affront to God-fearing decency came at the hands of Oprah, who conducted her challenge "in the name of ALS" -- an acronym which, according to this totally sane YouTube lady, actually stands for Antichrist Lucifer Satan (Lucifer is his middle name). Even if you're not a celebrity and you participated in the challenge, you might still be going to hell, because ALS research involves the use of stem cells, which requires aborted fetuses, which are virgin sacrifices made to honor the Father of Lies. Apparently, the devil really wants to cure Lou Gehrig's Disease.

However, not everyone agrees on his exact motivation. Rush Limbaugh, for example, has been saying the government isn't being as diligent in stopping the virus as they could be because they think we "deserve a little bit of this" as belated punishment for slavery (see "racism," above). Then we have actor Adam Baldwin, whose biggest claims to fame are Firefly and not being related to Alec Baldwin, taking it upon himself to ask the hard questions (right before implying that he believes Obama is the Antichrist):

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Boy, Jayne is just drowning in terrible opinions lately.

You see, minutes before Williams' death was announced, the British TV channel BBC Three aired an old episode of Family Guy wherein Peter Griffin gains the ability to turn everything he touches into a clone of Williams. At one point in the show, Peter tries to shoot himself, but the gun transforms into Williams. The anti-Illuminati resistance points to this scene as some sort of coded message proving that the BBC's head of programming must have been in cahoots with Williams' murderers, a fact that would have never been discovered if some brave soul hadn't been watching cartoons on British television that day.

While the timing of the broadcast is definitely a weird coincidence, it becomes less strange when you remember that Family Guy features at least a half dozen non sequitur celebrity appearances per episode. Any time an even remotely famous person dies, chances are they're on an episode of Family Guy airing somewhere in the world. It isn't limited to celebrity deaths, either: after the Boston Marathon Bombings, ridiculous people flocked to the Internet to report that Family Guy had predicted the attack in an episode where Peter runs over some marathoners in Boston and later befriends a Muslim terrorist, which seems to indicate this has less to do with the Illuminati and more to do with Family Guy being a terrible show.

20th Century Fox Television
Then again, one episode shows Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise will die one day. Coincidence?!

According to this dazzlingly complicated theory, the USA and the Ukraine needed to increase public support against the rebels in Eastern Ukraine and Russia. To this end, they made MH370 disappear mid-flight over the Indian Ocean, smuggled it halfway across the world, remodeled it into an exact double of MH17, and then destroyed it in the air, framing the rebels for the incident. According to a rebel commander who has absolutely no reason to lie whatsoever, the passengers on board were already dead before the plane went down, because elaborate frame-ups like this are much easier to accomplish with a fuselage loaded with corpses instead of a cabin full of live witnesses.

That's ... a lot of work, you guys. There's a fundamental problem with your scheme when sites claiming that the planes were stolen by wormholes or aliens or some shit actually make more sense. Whatever the explanation ends up being, we can't help feeling like it's going to be extremely mundane compared to all this fantastical speculation.

ABC Studios
Just gonna leave this here ...

It all started with a ClickHole article titled "5 Tragedies Weirdly Predicted by Adam Sandler," which cited examples such as the famous scene from Happy Gilmore when Sandler looked directly into the camera and announced Princess Diana's future death. Even if you missed the subtle hints that this was a joke, a quick trip to Netflix would've revealed the fact that at no point in Happy Gilmore does anything resembling this scene come anywhere close to happening.

Despite that, the article went viral as all corners of the Internet marveled at Sandler's magical abilities ...

Bad Luck TV

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"Wake up. We're down the clickhole and through the looking glass, Alice."

... and his Jewishness:

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Stormfront
"HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BIZA- wait, he's Jewish? Oh, makes sense."

Stormfront users even cited the article as proof of a global Jewish conspiracy that secretly runs the entire world while inexplicably allowing their Neo-Nazi clubhouse to continue to exist. The Jewish Illuminati may seek to control the planet at the behest of their future-gazing warlock Adam Sandler, but they believe in freedom of speech.

When Adam isn't shilling for JTRIG, he writes about conspiracy theories and drops truth bombs on Twitter.

For some entirely plausible conspiracy theories, check out 4 Reasons Movie Special FX Are Actually Getting Worse and 3 Reasons People Think the NBA Is as Rigged as Wrestling.