5 BS News Stories That Fooled All Your Facebook Friends

5

That Dude Who "Schooled" the Lady on a Plane Made It All Up

When a mid-ranking Twitter user and H-list celebrity boasted an epic battle of note-passing between himself and a rude airline passenger named Diane, the Internet rejoiced, then immediately threw themselves into a debate about whether the dude they just called a "hero" was sexist.

huffingtonpost.com, huffingtonpost.com
"If only there was some way to limit this asshole's exposure ..."

4

That Viral Ping Pong Knife Throwing Video Is Extremely Fake

If you've gone on Facebook lately, you've probably seen people freaking out over that video featuring a knife thrower hurling kitchen cutlery at the pink Power Ranger in street clothes -- only to have her catch them with paddles of her own. All without losing a single finger.

Tumba Ping Pong Show
Sweden doesn't fuck around with their ping pong.

3

The "Terrifying Cotton Ball Diet" Trend Is Actually Just Two Videos

Parents, talk to your teenagers now lest they fart like cartoon characters -- we're talking balls of fluff out the ass. All due to a deadly new diet:

newsfeed.time.com

kcra.com
More accurate headline: "Expert: All of YouTube is unhealthy for teenagers."

2

No, Greeks Are Not Self-Injecting HIV to Collect Welfare

As everyone from Al-Jazeera to Rush Limbaugh reported, Greece has been so down in the dumps lately that they've resorted to injecting themselves with HIV to claim health benefits. Limbaugh in particular really went to town on this one, pointing out that this is what happens when you get socialized health care: You end up shooting AIDS into your balls. He then informs us that Greece is "like the gay capital of the world."

Ethan Miller/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"San Franwhatsco?"

1

There Was No Such Thing as the "Knockout Game" (Until the Media Invented It)

It turns out that everything we learned from The Warriors was true, because according to CNN, the Wall Street Journal, ABC News, Fox, and more, roaming gangs of teenage kids are mindlessly punching strangers that they pass on the streets, all part of something called "the knockout game."

Fox News
"BREAKING NEWS: Violence exists in this world. See all of recorded history for more details as it unfolds."

According to CNN, this is totally a nationwide thing ... even though they can't name more than five times it happened in the last two years and police have no evidence of it being a deliberate game. The Daily News mentions that the kids are then posting the videos online -- no, you buttheads, those are security videos. You're posting them online.

So, to recap, some bored news editor collects clips of unrelated acts of violence and turns them into a game that doesn't exist -- at least until they fucking plaster the news with the idea. Yeah, thanks for that.