As you may have heard, the nation's cable companies have suddenly found themselves cast as villains, simply because of that little "trying to kill the Internet" thing. They're working hard to get rid of net neutrality, the basic principle that they can't charge extra to sites or services to make them load at a non-infuriating speed. But don't worry: In order to clear their good names, Verizon, Comcast, and their ilk are doing their best to address their customers' concerns ... by using the time-honored tradition of feeding us bullshit.
Yes, as they attempt to explain to us why having less freedom to look up porn and play online poker would be a good thing (or, you know, whatever other people use the Internet for), they're resorting to patently ridiculous arguments, like ...
5 "Disabled People Need Us to Kill Net Neutrality!"
Did you know that if you support net neutrality, you hate deaf people? That's the infallible logic being used by Verizon as they lobby on Capitol Hill for the creation of "fast lanes" on the Internet. According to them, the blind, the deaf, and other people with disabilities need faster Internet because of their particular needs, and what's the easiest way to make sure they get it? Yes, giving greedy companies the ability to decide which sites can go fast and which ones will slow to a crawl, obviously. Without those pesky regulations, more efficient sites for people with disabilities will be set up -- and then there's no way anything could go wrong, ever.