Twitter has proven to be a pretty top-notch means of self-promotion. But sometimes a celebrity will post something that's meant to get us excited but winds up uncorking a hideously depressing genie that just makes us all sad instead. Sometimes it's simply better not to know.
After a recent and fairly spiteful contract dispute over The Expendables 3, Bruce Willis lived up to the title of the movie and was replaced with Harrison Ford. Following the announcement, Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to get the fans pumped by posting a picture of him and Ford on the set of the film in which they both look like those dried apple head dolls you find at craft fairs.
On the set of Walking With Dinosaurs.
Good God, look at them. These "action heroes" look like they could be knocked out by a generous bowl of instant oatmeal and an episode of Lonesome Dove. There's nothing wrong with being old, and we will continue to watch Harrison Ford's movies until he is just a skeleton tied to a stick, but his perpetual "I'd rather be doing something else" face, when coupled with Arnold's "retired highway patrolman" aviators and Black Forest magician's coat, doesn't paint the most thrilling picture. It looks like fucking Methuselah and the Terminator's grandfather are about to get on a plane and go to Disney World, not like they're about to drop into the middle of a jungle and kick a bunch of ass.
Bryan Singer recently teased us with a photo from the set of the newest X-Men film to give us a glimpse of a Sentinel, the terrifying mutant-slaying death robots from the comics that will, in the movie, apparently be played by a bunch of giant Robo-Sapiens from the Sharper Image:
They're fully powered by hand dryer technology.
Here's a quick side-by-side for comparison:
Marvel Comics, twitter.com/BryanSinger
We aren't sure what was lost in the translation, but Comic Book Sentinel looks like it could crush tanker trucks in its hot-dog-package abs, whereas Movie Sentinel looks like a Dyson vacuum that decided it wanted to play football on Fox Sports.
Kim Kardashian recently posted pictures of her shooting the Christmas episode of her dumbshit reality series on Twitter, promising us all a candid look inside the Kardashian family cattle ranch as they celebrate Christmas six days after 9/11.
Boy, just look at that. You can feel the holiday magic radiating out of that picture, and we're not just talking about the glow of 1,000-watt stage lights bouncing off the seven layers of makeup caked on Kim's face. She even bragged about this being the Kardashian version of a "work day," meaning she and her family are getting paid to sit around in their pajamas, open million-dollar presents from each other, and pretend it's Christmas.
Jim Carrey just released a picture from the set of his new film, in what we can only assume was an attempt to make all of his fans feel as old as he does.
"This! This is what awaits you, and you, and you."
Yes, they're making Dumb and Dumber 2 ... 20 years after the original. And if these pictures are to be believed, we'll soon be able to marvel at the sophomoric antics of two confused senior citizens.
Dumb and Dumber is the type of premise that's hysterical when the two principal characters are in their 30s, but when both guys are approaching 60, the movie becomes a tragic reminder of the horrors of dementia.