Eleven years ago, the world had two good Terminator movies. Then the franchise stopped being self-aware. Millions
died in nuclear fire sat through a film about an evil cyborg with a boob job. The survivors called it "unnecessary." In 2015, the studio machine will try again.
Yes, next July, we're getting the fifth Terminator film, the abysmally-titled Terminator Genisys. And according to early indicators, this movie sounds so monumentally terrible that it will bury this dead horse of a franchise so deep in the ground that it'll hit the molten mantle and give us a flaming thumbs-up.
While we give it the flaming middle finger.
4The Plot Ys Desygned To Pyss Off Fans Of The Orygynal Fylms
The timeline-altering success of the Star Trek reboot has apparently convinced Paramount -- the studio behind Transformers, and therefore sadness -- of a public mandate that everything must be needlessly rebooted using time travel.
This means we're getting a new Terminator trilogy that kicks off with a future John Connor sending the original Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator farther back in time to raise Sarah Connor (she calls him "Pops") and fight a younger T-800, which in turn creates an alternate universe. Also, Arnold will look like a 67-year-old robot, because his organic exterior ages (and audiences apparently won't accept a Terminator film without him, even if we must build a marionette out of his bleached bones).
Warner Bros. Pictures
Or they could just Photoshop his mug onto a body born after the Kennedy Administration. Again.