One of the most important parts of a successful horror movie is the villain. What would Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween be without Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers? Horror movies without credible villains tend to be instant garbage, like The Happening, in which the bad guys are trees and M. Night Shyamalan.
Unfortunately, Hollywood apparently no longer has any idea what's scary, because for this year's horror movie season they're just flinging shit at the wall to see what sticks. Just take a look at these upcoming films and try to force yourself to be afraid (SPOILER: You cannot).
4 Ouija -- An Actual Ouija Board
Hey, what's the best way to freak out a room full of kids under the age of 15? A Ouija board! The only problem is, once you figure out how they work, Ouija boards lose pretty much all of their appeal. It turns out that a bunch of people subconsciously tugging on a piece of plastic just isn't all that bone-chilling.
"Jeff will die from severe horse-dickening, so speak the spirits."
"Fuck you guys."
Unfortunately, Hollywood, on a streak of giving us movie versions of board games that absolutely no one wants to see, has teamed up with Hasbro to bring us Ouija, a movie about a bunch of teenagers getting murdered by their novelty fortune-telling device:
Somehow, none of these kids have any idea what a Ouija board is, despite the fact that they have permeated all levels of popular culture for the past several decades. Beyond that, this movie is quite possibly the strangest marketing tie-in of all time, because it is presenting us a world wherein your Ouija board may suddenly infest your house with violent poltergeists. Hasbro isn't exactly going to win a ton of new Ouija customers with this approach.
Although, admittedly, it's a better approach than "our toys may sexually assault you."