Because bored and lonely men all over the world are currently under the influence of a plague that forces them to obsess over ponies, the news recently broke out that Socks is apparently not the father of Scamp, mothered by Kimberley across the loch. This was announced after a paternity test was conducted to know for certain. And get this: Not only did Socks' rival Nuggets hook up with Kimberley to produce Scamp, but Nuggets also went creepin' with another mare named Felicity. Felicity's baby was aptly named "Scallywag." So who has the weirder job, the reporter whose beat is to cover all of this, or the person who did the paternity tests on the moonwalking pony?
Also we bet these look hilarious when they're humping.
A Potato Cartel Is Spying on Members With Satellites
When you're eating mashed potatoes or hash browns or tater tots, you probably don't think, "Who are the conniving scoundrels who grew these potatoes? If only I could reduce my dependency on them." A grocer advocacy group called Associated Wholesale Grocers wants to change that, because according to them, the United Potato Growers of America are running their little potato club like a cartel. Specifically, like OPEC.
"First you get the potatoes, then you get the power, then you get a shitload of hash browns."
According to the AWG, the UPG jacked potato bag prices from $8 for a 10-pound bag in 2007 to $15 for a 10-pound bag the next year. And since 80 percent of America's potatoes are coming from states in the United Potato Growers' union, there's not much consumers can do about it if they want to get their potatoes. (And we do!) The best part of Associated Wholesale Grocers' suit is that the UPG keeps members in line by acting like mobsters, intimidating farmers who don't keep production levels at the right range and using fucking potato drone satellites to spy on them. Yeah, the future is going to be weird, guys.
Check out XJ's $0.99 science-fiction novella on Amazon here, with the sequel coming out very soon. And of course, you should look at his writing blog and poke him on Twitter.