4 Recent News Stories That'll Restore Your Faith In Humanity

4

Burglars Return Loot After Realizing They Stole from a Charity

This past July, burglars broke into the offices of California's San Bernardino County Sexual Assault Services and stole thousands of dollars' worth of computers and office supplies (and probably several pamphlets about avoiding men exactly like themselves).

Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images
"Just because we take what we want from someone, without their consent, doesn't mean you can compar- oh, right."

Their heist was elaborate -- they climbed over walls, disabled a security system and motion detectors, and absconded with the electronics, leaving hardly enough evidence to give the police a solid lead. But several hours later, the unexpected occurred. This letter was found at the crime scene ...

KABC-TV
The first draft was written in crayon.

3

Court Clerk Gets Canned to Free Wrongfully Imprisoned Man

Robert Nelson of Kansas City, Missouri, was convicted of rape back in 1984 and finally began his 70-year sentence for the crime in 2006. But Nelson claimed he didn't do it, so he and his sister filed two separate motions to get DNA testing. Each time, the motion was denied on a technicality, because apparently allowing a DNA test that would determine whether or not someone deserves to rot in jail is too much of a burden for the legal system.

Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images
"It's only jail; quit being a little bitch."

2

911 Operator Lends Theft Victim Her Own Wedding Dress

Earlier this month in Kent, Washington, thieves saw a trunk hanging out of a car. They decided to steal whatever was inside, which -- unfortunately for the crooks -- was a $6,000 wedding dress. In other words, this wasn't the kind of boosted good you could easily wear in public or pawn off in a crack house alleyway.

DEA
"A wedding dress? Perfect! He just proposed; look at the rock he got me!"

1

Commuters Push 32-Ton Train Off Trapped Woman

During a Tokyo morning rush hour this past July, a 30-year-old woman tried to exit a train and instead fell into the gap between the train and the platform. Lost among the surging throng of salarymen overhead, she almost assuredly faced certain doom.

But eight minutes later, the train was leaving the station and she was totally not dead. What the hell happened?

CNN
It's like all their years of push training had built up to this.

Instead of convincing themselves that they'd seen a shadow fall between the tracks, 40 passengers and railway employees worked together and pushed the 60,000 pounds of train off of her.

The train's design allowed for a certain amount of sway, and the entire mishap put only a surprisingly minor dent in everybody's morning commute. Remember this the next time you lose your zen when the interstate's been bumper-to-bumper for 45 minutes (because some insufficiently caffeinated jerkoff smashed into the median while looking for a Baha Men CD in his glove compartment).

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