Moscow's Exorcist Pigeons
We all know that pigeons are an urban nuisance or, to be blunt, winged shit machines. They generally inspire profanity instead of screams, unless they happen to be Moscow's totally disturbing "zombie" pigeons:
More character development than two episodes of The Walking Dead.
Yes, the aerial rats of the Russian capital have been afflicted with a mystery disease that causes them to become comatose, walk in circles, drop through windows, and pull a full-blown Linda Blair. Some residents have dubbed this a total bird apocalypse. (Such hyperbole must be taken seriously, as Russia is the land of shrugging at dashboard camera demolition derbies and meteor strikes.)
"YOUR MOTHER EATS CRUMBS IN HELL!"
Ornithologists have confirmed that these creatures are plagued with not one, but a bunch of debilitating infections, as if natural selection was running behind on its monthly quotas. And some of these infections -- such as Newcastle disease and ornithosis -- can also be transmitted to people, so hooray for that.
English Town Keeps Seeing the Same Scary Clown Everywhere
Occasionally, an actual, breathing human carries out an act so sinister and in defiance of rational thought that any sane onlooker has no choice but to simply submit to the enormity, like a drowning victim whose lungs are filling with water.
What the hell are we talking about? In Northampton, England, there's a guy going around dressed like this:
It's too late to close your browser. He already knows where you live.
As reported by the town's local paper, "He doesn't juggle. He doesn't twist balloons into animal shapes. He just stares."
Pro Tip: Filling balloons with the souls of your victims gets them to float longer than helium.
And here he is again, just standing around, being a fucking nightmare:
Those children were real 10 minutes before this photo was taken.
This is his gift to the world -- showing up on random corners of a single town. And he's so elusive that he has only been photographed from a distance. Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that he's downright horrifying.
And if you're wondering, no, they have no idea who the fuck he is -- just that he's now a part of life and there's nothing we can do about it. Sleep tight.