Thank God for streaming services, right? Not so fast ...
Ads Are Not Going Away, Just Getting More Intrusive
One of the greatest things about streaming, besides being able to binge on shows until your limbs rot and fall off (because who needs limbs), is getting away from five minutes of commercials for every 10 minutes of show. Unfortunately, the advertisers are catching up, which is why they currently have their top scientists working in shifts to come up with bullshit new ways to sell you crap.
For starters, Hulu is offering something called "In-Stream Purchase Unit" that will let you buy things without even leaving Hulu, just in case your fat ass can't wait another few seconds to order your pizza.
Don't you dare make us hate pizza, you sons of bitches. We will cut you.
OK, admittedly pizzas are pretty awesome, but think about what this means: You'll be watching a show where a character is wearing, say, a cool hat, and you'll see an ad pop up telling you, "Buy this hat. Do it. Buy it now. Come on. WHAT ARE YOU, A PUSSY?" (or something to that effect). In fact, there's already a steady increase in "shoppable shows" employing a new technique where they sell advertisers the right to dress their actors up in whatever clothes the companies want, which are then offered for sale on the official website. So, every time you see your favorite Game of Thrones character wearing a giant Nike logo shirt, you know who to blame.
"Wait until we make them use Trojans for the sex scenes."
And hey, if you're the type who likes to text and play games to avoid the commercials, they've got a solution for you too -- companies will soon be able to play their ads on your TV and phone simultaneously. You can bet your ass they'll start showing the same ads on every screen in your house as soon as they figure out how to do that.
Oh, and speaking of screens, the CEO of DreamWorks has predicted that in the future the price we pay for downloadable content will depend on the size of the device we watch it on. So a large screen TV could cost you 15 bucks per movie, while a smartphone will run you nothing more than $2. That's great ... if you aren't a penny pincher, in which case you'll never watch a full-size movie again without feeling completely, irrevocably guilty.
In short, we don't know about you, but we're gonna start investing in this other new invention we just heard about called "books."
The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter and follow him on Facebook.