4 People Who Blew Their One Moment in the Spotlight

4

Tsunemi Kubodera, Giant Squid Hunter

The giant squid used to be right up there with Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, and unicorns on the list of beasts we've always been assured were real by various wackos and nutjobs, but it's not anymore, because someone found that shit. A zoologist from Japan named Tsunemi Kubodera, to be exact. He scored the ultimate prize by filming one in its natural habitat. And this wasn't by dumb luck. He'd captured footage of the elusive beast before, but never alive and frolicking around in the comforts of its own deep sea home.

Reuters
"Wipe your feet first, goddamn barbarians."

This finding positioned Kubodera as the pre-eminent giant squid expert in his field. Naturally, a quote from Kubodera was in order to commemorate this achievement. So what kind of insightful commentary did he come up with to describe the moment?

3

Alex Jones on Piers Morgan

Conspiracy theorist and radio personality Alex Jones has had a long career outside of the mainstream media. His opinions are undoubtedly controversial, but his following has grown to be so huge that it almost lends his raving lunacy some semblance of legitimacy.

Alex Jones
"And the rest of my legitimacy comes from this sweet-ass suit."

2

Lana Del Rey on SNL

Lana Del Rey didn't have much experience as a live performer when she was asked to be the musical guest on Saturday Night Live. Having built her name on the power of the Internet, this was her big chance to prove that more than the likes of Justin Bieber can spring forth from the loins of YouTube.

Chelsea Lauren / Getty
"Flannel is basically spun talent, right?"

1

Michael Spinks Gets Knocked Out by Mike Tyson in 91 Seconds

Going into their fight on June 27, 1988, Michael Spinks and Mike Tyson were riding undefeated streaks that were both over 30 fights long. Spinks held two championship belts; Tyson held three. The fight's poster read "Once and for All," and it meant it -- one match for all five belts and legitimate claim as the heavyweight champion of the world. If there was ever a time to be elevated into legendary status overnight, this was it.

Ronald Modra / Getty
"... and when I've got my belts, I'm gonna throat-punch God himself."

Tyson knocked out Spinks 91 seconds into the match. To this day, it's still the shortest heavyweight title match ever. A month later, Spinks retired. "I said whenever the time comes, I don't want to retire, I just want to quit. Have people say: 'Michael Spinks, whatever happened to him? He quit.' It's easier to go that way."

In the moment when Spinks could have become one of the greatest of all time, Mike Tyson punched him so hard that he gave up his dreams.

The Ring Magazine / Getty
Tyson may be crazier than a coked-up honey badger, but he's also the goddamn Mozart of punching.