4 Packages Delivered to the Best Possible Wrong Address

4

Summer School Accidentally Sends 100 Porn DVDs to Children

Over the summer, hundreds of students took part in Edinburgh Playhouse's summer stage sessions, learning valuable lessons about stage premise, enunciation, and what the fuck Cats is actually about. In December, the school sent out DVDs that were supposed to contain pictures and video of the kids' experiences and performances there. What the children actually got, however, was less Kinky Boots and more kinky everything. As in, they fucking sent porn to kids -- directly to kids, since the DVDs were specifically addressed to them, not their parents.

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"What was the name of the camp again?"

3

German Coffee Company Receives 73 Pounds of Cocaine

Caffeine is a drug, but sometimes, the other shit we put in our coffee can be even more hazardous to our health. Like artificial sweeteners, or mountains of pure uncut cocaine.

The latter damn near happened in Germany. A Berlin coffee company was ready to receive its morning delivery of delicious Brazilian beans, but when workers opened up the packages to begin the best part of waking up, they found an unexpected bonus: a completely unrequested duffel bag overstuffed with 73 pounds of cocaine worth $1.8 million, by the police's estimate. Add a couple of cans of Red Bull and that shipment could legally be classified as a WMD.

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Meanwhile, somewhere in Colombia, someone is going, "What the shit did I just snort?"

Authorities don't yet know who slipped Coca-Cola's dirty little secret into the delivery, nor do they know where the offending product was meant to be delivered. They only know that the beans came from Brazil and that inspections at the nearby Bremerhaven port turned up nothing suspicious. So either somebody at the port is pulling a Tony Montana or that place employs the worst inspectors this side of Larry the Cable Guy. Alternatively, maybe the illegal drug industry was feeling generous (it was the season of giving, after all) and intentionally gave away those 73 pounds of love to a random stranger. We may never know the truth.

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"It was a thank you gift. Can't make it through Monday cartel meetings without my morning cup."

2

Man Receives Over $5,000 in Accidental Christmas Deliveries From Amazon

Shipping over 600 million packages a year means that Amazon is naturally going to make a mistake every now and then -- you order one CD because you're old as balls and still buy CDs, and they send you two. Little things like that. Or, you could buy absolutely nothing and they send you thousands of dollars' worth of random shit, like they did for Robert Quinn of South London.

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"Uuuugh, now I have to review all this crap?"

And, no, this wasn't like that time you bought something dumb at 3 a.m. and completely forgot about it until it showed up at your door. Quinn hadn't ordered anything from Amazon for some time, but a computer glitch sent 51 returned packages to his home instead of the return depot. Some of the items in Santa's surprise drop-off included a tablet, a baby buggy, a big-screen TV, a PSP, another tablet, a bookcase, an ironing board, yet another goddamn tablet, and even a leaf blower. All in all, Quinn found himself with over $5,000 worth of high-end stuff he hadn't asked for -- all of which he got to keep for free, courtesy of a red-faced Amazon.

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Presumably, he told them they needed 50 cents more to apply for free shipping, and they said, "Ehhh, fuck it."

1

Iraqi Army Pilots Accidentally Give ISIS Food and Ammo

Every time the U.S. wants to leave Iraq, something happens to pull them right back in, like Al Pacino in that movie (Frankie and Johnny). This time, it's the one-two punch of ISIS and the Iraqi military being so bad at fighting them, they're unintentionally helping them.

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"Well, if we aim the boxes just right, we might wing a couple of them."