4 Otherwise Normal Animals Who Are Going on Crime Sprees

In the same month, a woman in Fort Myers, Florida, got her purse jacked by a raccoon while watching a rehabilitated sea turtle get released at a beach event.

WFTV 9
"Ha ha, this shit is miiiiiine!"

The raccoon sneaked in behind her and grabbed her pink clutch while she was distracted by the real-life natural drama unfolding before her eyes, but only made it as far as the bushes before dropping it. No doubt the raccoon had to explain to the sea turtle that their long, elaborate con had been for nothing.

Bears have trouble with subtlety. It's hard to sneak around when you're a thousand-pound forest beast, and there's usually no need to, since most situations a bear finds itself in can be quickly solved by simply being a bear. This was recently demonstrated by a bear in Colorado Springs, who, rather than quietly root through the garbage behind a restaurant, decided that he would just steal the entire dumpster.

Edelweiss Restaurant, Colorado Springs
Like a boss.

That arrangement worked out so well for the bear that he came back the following night and stole the other dumpster.

Edelweiss Restaurant, Colorado Springs
If all bear crime is this adorable, we'd vote to legalize it.

In the English country town of Suffolk, a Siamese cat named Theo has begun breaking into neighborhood houses and returning home with piles of cat loot, thus implicating his owners in his crimes. The contraband includes the type of junk you'd expect a cat to steal, such as other cats' toys and weird children's art projects ...

BBC
Or, possibly, primitive feline deities.

... plus a veritable laundry list of pilfered items, including a cellphone charger, bags of potato chips, and condoms, because apparently Theo is trying to tell his owners that if they can't control his crime spree, they shouldn't attempt to raise any children. It got so bad that Theo's owners started a Facebook page just to post pictures of all the things he steals so that his victims can come and claim them.

Apparently it all started when neighborhood kids started letting Theo inside their houses, at which point he would steal shit right in front of their faces and beat a hasty retreat. We assume it's only a matter of time before the local news airs an after school special about the dangers of trusting strange cats.

Paul Edwards / BBC
He does look a little like Clooney.

There's even video of the baboons scaling the walls of a residential complex and flat-out mugging people in the street.

Cyril Ruoso / Minden Pictures
We admire that lady's tenacity, but it's probably best to just let the baboon have the celery.

Supposedly the humans have been using pepper spray and paintball guns to try to put an end to this monkey business (all joke appreciation emails can be sent via the author link at the top of this page), which might explain why the baboons have expanded their game to include expensive linens and priceless sentimental objects.

Cyril Ruoso / Minden Pictures
It's psychological warfare.