4 On-Set Photos That Change the Way You See Upcoming Films

Or this photo, in which Bay felt the need to demonstrate the exact angle a terrified ingenue had to be menaced with an extraterrestrial robot hand:

empireonline.com
"Luckily, we already had the hand made for whenever I need someone to masturbate my ego."

Just soak in the magic for a moment. Rather than fart the day away in the planetarium-size trailer he bought with alien robot giant testicles, Bay was compelled to personally thrust the pitchfork claw of an enraged house-size action figure at a woman on the verge of tears. That's a sign the guy either A) is manically committed to his job or B) killed all the prisoners on his Most Dangerous Game island and is looking for a new outlet for his psychopathy.

Yep, those ... those are turtles, we guess: four men wearing body armor woven of motel carpet. We know they can't actually find mutant turtles to fill the roles, but would it be so hard to get a Foot Clan armed with ninja weapons? They're armed with firearms and broom handles. That's not an evil gang of shinobis; that's an out-of-control janitor's strike.

SuperHeroHype
"They even cut our hours to part time. I've got terribly costumed ninja-kids to feed."

Again, we're not obtuse. We understand that computer animation is all the craze in Hollywood nowadays and probably will be until puppet shows once again usurp movies as society's dominant form of entertainment. But when you compare these photos to the first cinematic Ninja Turtles -- which were straight-up built by Jim Henson Studios -- you can't shake the suspicion that the new movie will be about overfunded futon thieves instead of wisecracking reptilian fetuses.

Oh ... that's ... oh. Just actors in a green screen room. Well, at least the actors aren't CGI, too, right? Right?

collider.com
You were the chosen one!

Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. After making one highly successful fantasy film trilogy, Jackson's creating a new kid-friendly trilogy of prequels that's mostly computer-generated. The Illuminati is Jar Jar Binks.

All of the elements are there. Big open area in daylight! Rubble in the streets! But who gives a crap? The Avengers was great! The Avengers 2 could take place entirely on the Planet of Sunlight and Rubble and we'd still cheer our lungs out. Let's take a closer look at one of the newest Avengers, the super-fast Quicksilver, known for his fleet feet, snappy haircut, and poor attitude:

Photopix/Getty Images
"Wait, I thought Fox had the rights to the shitty version of me?"

Hold on, what the fuck happened to Quicksilver? Is he honestly sporting '90s-era bleached hair and running shoes? He looks like the lead singer of Collective Soul training for a half-marathon. And what's up with the stubble? He's crazy fast, so shaving should take like 0.5 seconds. And that shirt makes him look like a one-man PSA against Under Armour. Overall, he looks like that guy who slowly runs around your neighborhood air drumming, even though he's not wearing headphones. Maybe they'll replace him with Benedict Cumberbatch in post.

Touchstone Pictures
"My mutant power is this accent!"