The truth is that it all came from a statement to investors meant to generically cover Chipotle's asses just in case this should ever happen, but according to a company spokesman, there have been similar shortages before and they've dealt with them the usual way: by upping the price. So no worries -- you can still host your guac-lube orgia fiestas, but you might have to invest a little more in them.
No, There Isn't a Machine That Turns Water into Wine
Good news, poor bohemians! You can now get drunk with some water, $2 worth of ingredients, and a $499 gizmo that recreates biblical miracles:
Even Jesus is losing work due to outsourcing.
That headline and this (vaguely) explicative video washed across the front pages of TIME, MNN, HuffPost, Mashable, and even Discovery ... but not NPR, because they were the only ones who actually went through the trouble of asking experts if turning water into wine was even possible, to which they responded "Fuck no." Yes, apparently all you need to trick every major news site is two white guys and decent production value.
The Miracle Machine
"It's got a blue light on it and there's a glass of wine in the back. How much deeper do you want us to dig?"
It turns out that it was all for a good cause, though: The hoax was designed to give some attention to a nonprofit organization called Wine-to-Water that brings water to areas in need. So hooray for lazy, gullible news sites this one time, we guess.
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