Traditionally, living in a car is a lifestyle that only serial killers and mystery-solving college dropouts enjoy. But, if your blood type is money and you dream of having to spend every night looking for a place to park your house, these four trailers are the answer you've been searching for, and without exception they are all infinitely nicer than the one-bedroom carpet stain the rest of us cry ourselves to sleep in.

Volkner Performance Bus

Priced at a mere $1.9 million, the Volkner Mobil Performance Bus combines all of the comforts of palatial luxury with the joy of owning a condo that can be stolen by a crackhead with a brick. This 40-foot-long impulse purchase of a first-round NBA draft pick features leather sofas, a home theater entertainment system and a full-size kitchen, because for some reason they figured that a person buying this bus would be interested in preparing their own meals. It even has a secret compartment underneath to store a sports car, because the Volkner designers evidently got all of their engineering textbooks from a pile of G.I. Joes at a Wayne Manor garage sale.

Volkner Mobil
"If you're going to have a big obnoxious car, why not have it carry a little obnoxious car?"

Volkner Mobil

The Wothahellizat

Built by Australian photographer Rob Gray for his trips through the Outback, the Wothahellizat (say that aloud and you'll get it) has all of the furnishings of a luxury beach house and is designed to carry enough supplies to last three months, making it the perfect place to store Johnny Depp during the harsh location shoots of some bullshit pirate movie.

Rob Gray
It'd also make a great vacation home for Jawas.

Rob Gray

The Wothahellizat has a separate kitchen, bedroom and sitting room, and even a collapsible back porch. The whole thing is covered in an armored shell, and is complete with a garage built to hold a motorcycle, because it is a matter of international law that everything Australian be relatable to The Road Warrior within one to two steps.

Rob Gray
"Oh wow, the apocalypse is lovely from up here."

EleMMent Palazzo

The EleMMent Palazzo by Marchi Mobile is the closest thing to the Turtle Van on this list. It looks like an airplane hit a bus at the speed of a child's dying cancer wish.

Marchi Mobile via Business Insider

Marchi Mobile via Business Insider
Finally, a classy way to get laid at truck stops.

Inside there are two extravagant bedrooms, two full-size bathrooms, a living area and a lounge complete with a mini bar so you can enjoy a highball while you drive. The driver's cab looks like Ernst Blofeld's escape pod, the roof has a heated sun deck with running lights and the entry stairs fold down beneath a red carpet. The whole vehicle is like a Kanye West lyric.

Marchi Mobile via Business Insider
You are legally a supervillain as soon as you buckle into that driver's seat.

The Heat Mobile Estate

If you've ever wanted a mansion that you could tour across the country like the Allman Brothers, then the Heat Mobile Estate is for you. Designed as a "villa on wheels," the Heat guarantees that no matter where you go, everyone will know how much personal wealth and contempt for humanity you truly have.

Anderson Mobile Estates

Anderson Mobile Estates

This 1,200-square-foot tax evasion getaway car is the trailer of choice for the likes of Will Smith and Ashton Kutcher, who rent these things out while on location to the tune of nine grand per week.

Anderson Mobile Estates via Business Insider
As you can see, there is ample space for getting jiggy.

This trailer is so large that the top floor (yes, the top floor) contains a lounge with a bar and a meeting area big enough to hold a conference of 30 people, presumably to heroically discuss the finer points of Hitch 2 in a mobile indulgence that could shelter an entire community of homeless children. Other amenities include a 100-inch drop-down theater screen, several plasma televisions and a full-size gym, although when Russell Crowe rents the Heat, we assume he uses the gym as hoagie storage.

Jamie invites you all to come and check out his blog. He also has a Facebook page for you to like.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments