4 Leaked Memos That Made Companies Look Like Dicks

4

Walmart Tells Managers What to Think About Unions

It probably won't surprise you to learn that Walmart isn't a big fan of unions, since treating employees like dog turds is apparently part of the company's motto by now. And while it's still illegal to outright forbid people from unionizing, leaked documents reveal that Walmart gets around that little detail by teaching its managers how to make unions sound super lame. For instance, if you're a manager and someone asks your opinion on the matter, here it is. This is your opinion:

Walmart
"You can speak for yourself, as long as you use our words."

3

Planet Hollywood Makes Its Staff Lie for Britney Spears

Last December, Britney Spears began her 96-concert run for Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. For the next two years, Spears is going to shake her ass over the course of 96 nights for 96 sets of tourists who are going to go back home with the impression that American music is everything late-'90s MTV taught them it was. Naturally, given recent lip-synching accusations, a great deal of customers will have questions about whether Britney will be singing or not, and a leaked memo for Planet Hollywood employees instructs them to give answers like "Certainly she will be singing live!" and "No lip-syncing will happen at the show" (they can add "nosireebob" at their discretion).

2

Google Teaches Its Employees How to Sound Like Smug Assholes

One of the perks of working at Google is that the company offers shuttles to transport employees from San Francisco to their offices ... and one of the unperks of living in San Francisco is that there are huge fucking buses with Google logos messing shit up for residents. To solve this issue, the city announced that they would hold a vote on new shuttle regulations, which Google saw as an opportunity to prove how awesome they are by telling their employees to show up and say things like:

techcrunch.com
"Make sure to mention how great Google+ is to talk to other San Franciscans somewhere in there."

1

The WWE Is Very Precise About What Announcers Can Say

If there's any company you wouldn't expect to keep an eye on every little thing their people say, that's the WWE, the same industry that made screaming into a microphone about your biceps popular. However, from a recently leaked memo, we've found that, for instance, WrestleMania is no longer allowed to be called the "Granddaddy of them all," because apparently it makes it seem old and worn out.

WWE
Who would have thought?