4 Insane Celebrity Belongings You Won't Believe You Can Buy

Also available for unconscionable purchase was some of Marilyn's clothing. Considering the woman was a fashion icon (and continues to be one more than half a century after her death), this makes way more sense than a half-used tube of face glue. The items pillaged from her personal wardrobe included her "favorite" coat, a black Dior dress, and, oh yeah, one of her old bras.

Juliens Auctions
"Includes certified boob-sweat stains at no additional charge."

Yep, this nude-colored size 36C bra could have been yours for a mere $20,000, which is a pittance for a pair of haunted underwear. We assume the auctioneers politely ignored the fact that the only reason anyone would pay $20K for the bra of a legendary sex symbol is to masturbate into it twice a day until it disintegrates in a cloud of shame dust. We also assume that nobody had the decency to mention that holding a money fight over a dead woman's underpants and private love letters was perhaps not the best way to celebrate her legacy.

But there's a silver lining here -- Burt Reynolds' financial troubles have given birth to the most spectacular catalogue of Hollywood memorabilia ever produced, resulting in a picture book that is essentially more than 250 pages of a Burt Reynolds fever dream. It's just page after vainglorious page of irrefutable proof that Burt Reynolds is the exact person we always imagined him to be. For starters, Burt Reynolds owns a staggering number of paintings of himself, either posed in fanciful settings or assuming the role of alternate-reality Burt Reynoldses.

For example, included in the auction is a portrait of Burt Reynolds as a half-naked cowboy, which admittedly is just another way of saying, "Here's a portrait of Burt Reynolds."

Juliens Auctions
We'll wait while you get a towel to clean up.

Don't bother asking why Burt owned this; now that it's for sale, the only question you need to be asking is, "How much would it cost for me to own this?"

If you're a fan of alternate history, here's a blindingly spectacular re-imagining of Burt Reynolds as a Native American:

Juliens Auctions
"How ... did this happen?"

If that doesn't quite suit your fancy or hang well in the breakfast nook of your house, then allow us to suggest a motivational poster of a track-suited Burt Reynolds declaring his intention to impregnate whomever is currently gazing upon his mustachioed visage:

Juliens Auctions
"We don't even need to have sex. Just look at the cowboy picture again."

If you're in the market for a more introspective representation of the star of Gator, perhaps you'd be interested in bidding on this artistic representation of a Burt Reynolds with entirely too many lumps in his face, as if the skull beneath was just a bowl of viscous bone pudding:

Juliens Auctions
"You adjust the mustache to turn it back-and-forth into a Charles Bronson portrait too. Terrific value."

And finally, here's Burt Reynolds as the shapeshifting alien from The Thing, for reasons that can never possibly be explained:

Juliens Auctions
The artist was just listed as a "V. Kilmer".

We'd like to think there's some kind of Da Vinci code hidden in these paintings that will lead some lucky buyer to a cache of Burt Reynolds treasure locked away inside a hollow Tibetan mountain.

Well, you could have, had you beaten the winning bidder to the punch and been willing to shell out nearly $12,000 for Scary Osama, which is how much this prototype just sold for at auction. Donald Levine recently passed away, and the doll (with interchangeable heads rather than the color-changing technology that would've theoretically been implemented in the finished product) was found among his personal belongings, which is another way of saying "the doll was found lying alongside Levine's lifeless, horror-stricken body."