That's not an exaggeration -- the kids totally did piss their pants. To a bunch of 8-year-olds, the decision between toys and dignity is like Sophie's Choice. But that's all a minor sacrifice when teaching the lesson that, in this world, wealth accumulation depends largely on bladder control.
Schools Are Turning Lunch into Actual Class Warfare
We had assumed there was some section in the Department of Education rulebook that requires schools to keep their lunchrooms at a standard at least slightly above that of a Dickensian orphanage, but thanks to Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City, we are no longer certain. You see, students there have prepaid lunch accounts, many of which were overdrawn because their parents either couldn't refill them or hadn't bothered. So when those students brought their lunches up to the cashier, the food was taken away from them and thrown into the garbage, because that is apparently a thing you are supposed to do to children. We suppose the school could've let those possibly impoverished students keep the food instead of wasting it before their confused eyes, but then they wouldn't learn anything.
"They used to laugh when I ate my boogers. Now look who's ahead of the game!"
Amazingly, that's actually a slightly gentler lesson than what a school in Colorado taught when it decided to stamp the hands of every student that either needed lunch assistance or had no money to pay for food in their accounts, marking them for their classmates. See, that's the real problem with poor kids -- we just weren't ostracizing them enough.
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