Surprisingly, there are roughly 36 million beepers still in regular use. Apart from the obvious clientele (drug dealers, drug kingpins, and cops pretending to be drug-dealing kingpins), many regular citizens use pagers as an inexpensive alternative to pricey long-term cellphone contracts, since everybody is broke now. However, if you're one of those people who constantly use the "I didn't hear my phone" or "My battery died" excuse for not returning calls, the beeper isn't the best option, because it makes damn sure it gets your attention, and its battery lasts longer than you will be alive.
Floppy disks are those little plastic squares that people used to put inside computers to transport information. Problem is, they hold a maximum of 1.44 megabytes, which you may notice is about one minute of an Eagles song.
Which you may also notice is one minute more of the Eagles than anyone should listen to.
However, the things are still widely produced, because tons of people still buy them. British company Verbatim reports selling over 250,000 disks a month in England alone, not to mention the millions they sell across the rest of Europe.
Despite our constant push for better technology (and our subsequent rush to throw money we don't have at it), many people still have super old computers, manufactured before most of the current batch of Disney Channel stars were even born. They either don't have the income to buy new machines or they just don't give two shits and are fine using a dot matrix printer to make hard copies of all their Word Perfect files.
"Together, these hold one high-definition nipple."
Jason Iannone is a humorist and editor for hire. His Facebook is a rockin' party, and his Twitter is the awesome afterparty. Tumblr is where he rides out the hangover and archives anything he writes from anywhere.