4 Futuristic Products For Telling People You're a Rich Dick

If beer is more your speed / liver function, the ingenious fellows at PourMyBeer.com have developed the aptly named Pour My Beer system, which allows customers to serve their own damn brews right at their table, or at a trough of taps on the wall. You load up a card with Pour My Beer Funbucks, swipe it, and the tap subtracts however much you dispensed into your funnel. Be warned, however, that you can't just load the card with $50,000 and be set for, like, two weeks -- you can only charge enough credit for two beverages at a time because of a little thing called "making sure the human race doesn't go extinct by next year."

PourMyBeer
"Estimated hangover level: tree trunk through the forehead."

And finally, there's PicoBrew, a frattier version of a coffeemaker that takes all the ingredients you need and spits out 2.5 gallons of Imperial IPA, a type of beer that generally takes about a week to make, in a mere four hours. It can even connect to an online database of recipes which includes "clones" of famous beers. Yes, you can now download pirated booze. The dream is real.

via lolbot.net
One day, dear friends. One day.

On the other side of the pond, Harvard inventor David Edwards has also created evaporating food, developing inhalable chocolate called "Le Whif." But he's not stopping there. He's actually in the process of building a restaurant in Cambridge, Massachusetts where food will presumably be delivered by scuba regulator. Among Edwards' more curious inventions is the "scent-messaging" device called oPhone -- a tube that, when paired to your iPhone through a free app, allows you send scents to your friends. Or farts to your enemies, we guess ... OK, we'll take six.

Or at least, that's what some very rich people in Macau, China seem to think. Not satisfied with traditional American casino themes, such as Ancient Rome, Ancient Egypt, or unspecified, they're making the Caped Crusader a main attraction for their newest den of iniquity. The $3.2 billion resort will feature a Batman virtual reality ride that will simulate a flight over Gotham City, presumably complete with frightening purse snatchers until they crap their pants and breaking down and crying on the same alley outside an opera house every night. Even the shape of the building is Batman-related -- there's a 425 ft. Ferris wheel built into the side of the massive structure itself, which is, and we quote, "inspired by having two asteroids shooting through a Gotham City building." A thing that, in 76 years of Batman comics, has never, ever happened.

Melco Crown Entertainment
"But that's how Batman got his magical meteor powers, right?"

Oh, and there will be other DC characters there, too. Like Wonder Woman, who (somewhat sexistly) is relegated to the go-kart ride. In addition to being bukkaked with DC intellectual property, the hotel will include a space-station-themed restaurant which will utilize a holographic projector to give diners the impression that they're looking through a huge window into space -- which is black, like Batman. Fine, that part has nothing to do with superheroes, but still, that's pretty cool.

Finally, they've also tossed Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, and Leonardo DiCaprio $70 million to make a short film promoting the casino, because why not at this point. Brad Pitt was also mentioned, but we don't see him in the trailer, so we're guessing he'll be working as a valet.

Melco Crown Entertainment
"I said yes to Analyze That and Rocky and Bullwinkle, what the fuck's your excuse?"

Being good and drunk seems as good a time as any to get behind the wheel of a bumper car, which you can totally do in this cruise, because nothing instantly improves any situation like bumper cars. If you're still alive and conscious after that, why not go for some indoor skydiving in their vertical wind tunnel?

Royal Caribbean
Looking at that logo, we're guessing the whole ship is gonna morph into a giant killer robot at some point.

And let's face it -- with so much shit to do on the cruise, there's no way you'll even get a chance to look at the sea. Which is why they also decided to install holode-- uh, we mean, virtual balconies in interior staterooms, allowing steerage to enjoy the same view as the Rose Dawsons of the ship. Speaking of which, we hope the ship comes equipped with laser cannons to shoot down icebergs, because Poseidon doesn't take it so kindly when you try to send something this awesome into his turf.

When he's not sending fart messages, Chris writes for his website and tweets.

While we're on the topic, also check out 6 Futuristic Products for the Biggest Asshole at a Party and 6 Ridiculous Drinking Myths You Probably Believe.