So 1999 has come and gone, and Prince's party directives, much like Prince himself, have been rendered obsolete. The problem is: now that "I'm gonna party like it's 1999" sounds like some gibberish your demented grandpa would spout, how do we party ahead of our time? Luckily, a few forward-thinking (and possibly time-traveling) folks have already come up with revolutionary gizmos that might give us glimpse into the epic throw downs of the future.
And sure, these inventions might make you look completely ridiculous today, but such is the price of progress. One day, everyone will get shitfaced using stuff like ...
4Get Any Drink Ever With an Instant Alcohol Machine
It's frankly a disgrace that, in the year 2015, people still have to compete for the attention of a harried, overworked booze jockey to get a drink more complicated than "beer" or "beer with Coke" -- and even that might be too complex for some of us. Those days are about to end. Finally answering the age-old conundrum of "how can I decrease the amount of time it takes for alcohol to enter my face," a Kickstarter was launched to fund Somabar, an automated countertop bartender named for an ancient Persian ritualistic drink (and hopefully not the LSD drug from Brave New World that slowly kills you).
You simply plop different types of booze into the canisters, tell the machine what drink you want, and voila! Enjoy your perfectly mixed Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall. Or, you know, whatever disturbingly-named concoction you requested.
Hopefully, that little hole is a speaker through which it tells you you're not sad for drinking alone.