4 Futuristic Inventions That Will Make Us Look Like Dorks

4

Sony Dreams of Smart Wigs

Tech companies are really getting into the "wearable computing" trend lately, what with Samsung's smartwatch and Google Glass. But the brain trust at Sony is blazing into tomorrow with their scheme to design smart wigs for elderly gadget aficionados.

Sony
"Comes in Kirk or Uhura."

According to the patent, the wig vibrates on your scalp every time you get an email, like some bootleg Spidey sense. But that's not all -- this toupee of the future might also have a built-in camera and laser pointer!

3

Google Wants You to "Heart" Objects in Real Life

Speaking of Google Glass, Google has filed a patent that adds some Kinect-like functions to their fancy nerd specs. Their filing states that they want to allow people using Glass to be able to use hand gestures to interact with the real world.

One suggestion is the ability to "like" something you see while walking around, like a piece of art (if you're a tourist) or a comely stranger (if you're a creep). It's not a horrible idea, but the methodology is excruciatingly goofy. To "like" something, Google suggests using your hands to form a heart shape around it.

Google
"We actually wanted something similar to +1ing something on Google+, but the Catholics sued."

2

Google Wants You to Play Charades to Drive a Car

In recent automotive history, cars have been operated with hands on the wheels, feet on the pedals, and a single unfriendly digit flung out the window. But Google's other big science fiction project happens to be their self-driving car, which allows the motorist of the future to liberate both of their middle fingers.

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Which means just so many more options for when you're stuck in the middle lane.

But it's that last part that seems to have caught Google's attention, because they've filed a patent for replacing all the knobs and buttons in your car with gestures. Some of these motions are intuitive, like swiping to roll your windows up or down. Others, like miming a twisting motion to adjust the radio dial, are so useless that they're baffling.

1

Motorola Proposes a Monstrous Smart Tattoo

How do you take smartphones and smartwatches and smartglasses to the next level of smart madness? Behold Motorola's "smart tattoo." (It's actually an adhesive patch, but they're the ones who called it a tattoo, not us.) Like other smart devices, it alerts you of incoming notifications and even has a microphone so you can take calls. Unlike other smart devices, it's fairly disturbing.

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We can't even begin to imagine the amount of butt-dialing the inevitable tramp stamp version will cause.