Deep in our hearts, we all know that there are some disgusting things going on behind closed doors in the food industry, but we try not to think about it because french fries are delicious. Judging by these four recent stories, however, it might be safer to put those fries down and just never eat anything ever again.
4 Man Arrested for Selling Wildlife to Various Chicago Restaurants
An Indiana man named Alexander Moy was recently charged with running a one-man black market for cuddly meat, buying up the cast of Over the Hedge -- including raccoons, turtles, and deer -- and selling them to meat markets in Chicago, which would then distribute them to local restaurants, because apparently no one at any stage of food production gives one rancid shit about serving customers meat that has in no way passed any kind of quality control check.
"Is it Grade A?"
"It's a grade."
There are so many steps involved in secretly feeding people raccoons that we wouldn't be surprised to learn that Moy could earn way more money legitimately buying and selling cows like a regular human being. Either way, he has been charged with two counts of a Class D felony, which honestly seems a little light for undergoing such a bafflingly obtuse supervillain plot.
3 Chinese Restaurants Caught Adding Dangerously Addictive Spices to Food to Make Customers Come Back for More
Poppy pods (rather than the seeds they contain) are a powerful opiate that can get you high if you ingest enough of them, leaving you hopelessly addicted (or, in rare cases, a world-famous millionaire).[inject-module]
With this in mind, restaurateurs in China have been grinding the poppy pods up and using them as spices in their dishes, hoping to create throngs of dedicated customers by virtue of making them chemically dependent on their food. Because this is an actual narcotic effect that goes beyond whatever mystery dust they put in Doritos that makes you crave more of them whenever you are within 5 feet of an operating video game console, Chinese officials have been cracking down, doling out sentences of up to five years in prison to anyone caught using the now-illegal spice.
"Patrons mainlining plum sauce is a dead giveaway."