4 Creepy and Baffling Implications of the X-Men Films

4

Professor X Stole a Young Man's Body and Mutated Him into an Exact Physical Double of Himself (And Is Secretly Addicted to Drugs)

At the end of X-Men: The Last Stand, we see that Professor X has somehow managed to transfer his consciousness into the body of a brain-dead coma patient. So even though we saw him get ripped apart by Jean Grey's series-destroying celestial black magic, we at least got a little relief in knowing that he would live on, albeit in the body of some guy whose family was about to receive some challenging news.

20th Century Fox
"So our family gets to upgrade from Dale to Patrick Stewart? Sweet, fuck Dale."

3

Mystique Gets Impregnated by That Weird Red Satan Mutant and Gives Birth to Alan Cumming

At the end of X-Men: First Class, Mystique abandons the X-Men and decides to join Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, which includes the teleporter Azazel, aka Zoot Suit Satan. You may have noticed that this guy looks exactly like a red version of Nightcrawler from X2. They even have the same mutant power. So it stands to reason that this guy and Nightcrawler are related, right?

20th Century Fox
A murderous creeper with weird orgy friends is totally the type of guy you want raw dogging you.

Well, as some of you comic fans might already know, Mystique is Nightcrawler's mother, which means that, at some point between joining Magneto's A-Team at the end of First Class and plotting to destroy Peter Dinklage in Days of Future Past, she and Zoot Suit Satan had howling, multi-colored Nightcrawler-producing sex.

20th Century Fox
"I tossed her a Winter's Bone."

2

Wolverine Is Dangerously Obsessed With Jean Grey Despite the Fact That They Never Had a Relationship

No one has been more tortured by the death of Jean Grey than Wolverine. Ever since he immediately began hitting on her the second they met in the first X-Men, Wolverine hasn't been able to get her out of his mind. Mystique briefly tries to tempt him by changing into Jean in X2, so we know his doleful devotion is obvious to everyone around him. He even dreams about Jean's lingerie-clad ghost coming to visit him in The Wolverine, only to wake up the next morning with the weepiest erection in history.

20th Century Fox
"Shit, I need more quarters to wash these sheets. Again."

The thing is, at no point in any of the movies do Wolverine and Jean Grey have a relationship. There's some tension, sure, and they kiss a few times, but she ultimately decides to stay with Cyclops. Jean and Wolverine never get together. At all. He's essentially just a dangerously obsessed guy who has spent the past several movies mourning the fact that he never got to have sex with her while she was alive.

20th Century Fox
"Alive? No ..."

1

Magneto Found Time to Father a Child During His Nazi-Slaying Rampage

X-Men: First Class begins with Magneto in 1944 when he's around 11 or 12 years old, imprisoned in a concentration camp and forced to watch Kevin Bacon shoot his mom to death. Then we flash forward to 1962 and see Magneto as a young man in Geneva, Switzerland, knee-deep in a murder-trail of Nazis that he's been on ever since the end of the war. It's clear from the serial-killer meticulousness of the line chart tacked to his fucking wall that he has killed dozens of former Nazi officers and agents to track down Kevin Bacon. There is no question that this has been his life's sole pursuit for the past 17 years.

20th Century Fox
"It keeps taking me more than six connections to find him."

Now, skip forward 10 years to 1973 in Days of Future Past, where we meet the plucky young Peter (Quicksilver), a silver-haired petty criminal who uses his mutant power of running really fast to break Magneto out of a prison in the Pentagon. As he is escorting Magneto out of jail, he casually says, "So you can control metal? My mom knew a guy who could do that once." And we see Magneto pause, and then give the slightest reaction of recognition. This is a nod to the comic fans in the audience, who know that Quicksilver is Magneto's son.