This year Cracked sent a team of journalists, including me, to the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. For the uninitiated: CES is where the world's major gadget-makers come to show off the phones, televisions, vehicles, audio equipment, and "smart" devices they plan to sell over the next year. CES is a great place to get a sneak peek at the future, but it's also the world's largest repository of useless bullshit technology no one ever asked for. If you want to know what stupid, stupid ideas the tech industry plans to sell us in the future, you've got to go to CES.
We've put together a list of the terrible tech trends you can look forward to in 2015. Don't say we didn't warn you when companies start ...
Weighing Useful Products Down With Bullshit Technology
Y'know what sucks about dogs? No, not the fact that they sometimes get into the garbage, poop on your floor, and die more frequently than NBC sitcoms. The problem with dogs is that they get lost sometimes, and very few of them speak English well enough to hail a cab. That's why we've invented a galaxy of GPS-enabled dog collars, wonderfully useful products that have saved countless pet owners untold stress and pain.
Motorola took one look at this successful, practical product category and said, "Well sure, but wouldn't it be better if we just gave every dog its own smartphone?"
No, I'm not joking. The below product is Motorola's Scout 500, and it's a digital dog collar. The PR person who tried to sell it to us described it as "a smartphone for dogs." It comes with a camera (so you can watch the world through your dog's eyes, but in color), a GPS app, and -- most terrifyingly -- a speaker, so you can yell at your dog from a great distance.
YOU: Hey boy! How's it going?
YOUR DOG: Woof! (Translation: MASTER WHY MUST YOU SCREAM FROM ACROSS THE VOID MY LIFE IS FEAR)