XJ Selman
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What's your worst nightmare? Showing up to school naked? Forgetting about a big test? Or accidentally walking in on your grandma doing a #2? Trick question, fools! We all know that the ultimate nightmare is accidentally broadcasting your freaky masturbatory preferences to the world, which is A) more prevalent than you think and B) exactly what happened to these poor SOBs.
After a long day at work, some people just want to sit back, relax, and watch total strangers simulate making genetic clones of themselves on the Internet. For one professor, however, waiting for the work day to end just wasn't going to cut it. So once his students had left, he decided to go to a little site known as PornHub, which unnamed sources tell us is not a tasty new sandwich stand that specializes in po'boys.
But Professor Numbnuts forgot one tiny detail: unplugging the laptop from the projector.
Reddit via Gawker
"Would anyone care to replicate the following demonstration?"
Despite the classroom being empty, the class still had online viewers wondering what a woman's vagina had to do with advanced food chemistry. After this communal online wanking session, a screenshot was taken and sent to the university, who kindly asked the professor to leave. The students reportedly said that he was an excellent teacher. And by that, we know they mean "He was too relaxed to care about our bullshit."
Whether you're a king or a hobo, TinyURL will get the best of you at some point. For conservative British politician Rob Wilson, that day came when he was trying to have a seriously British conversation about a BBC interview, and he decided his Twitter fans should be in on the conversation.
Rob Wilson / Twitter
Cracked: We get our stereotypes from the Disney Channel.
The problem was that his link redirected to a certain porn site known as SexyDigg instead of the intended story. Upon a mass fainting by a hundred women slapping themselves with white gloves, Wilson's office quickly deleted the tweet and apologized. They claimed the creator of TinyURL was at fault, as if TinyURL was some anarchist collective who enjoyed pranking innocent politicians in search of civil dialogue.
But hey, at least it was plain ol' porn. In a world where people have so many niche fetishes that they can only rub one out to pregnant centaurs lactating on log flumes, only blasting your plain ol' porn all across the land feels like getting a shiny new Schwinn on Christmas morning.
A few months ago, Greece's state-owned public news station, ET3, failed to realize that softcore porn was playing in the background of its oblivious news anchor.
Gazzetta.gr via Gawker
"God, what's everyone laughing at? Is it the tie? God damn, I knew this tie was shit."
It's unclear if this was a strange new attempt to stimulate Greeks into job-hunting adrenaline, but this wasn't the only recent incident of such a brazen occurrence. Swedish station TV4 News showcased a 10-minute porno on their screens behind the anchor, thereby distracting everyone from the Syrian president's speech to watch a woman delight in an ass pounding.
The Local
But what else do they really have to talk about in Sweden other than who banged whom?
Apparently, in both cases, the stations that owned the news channels also owned other channels that were simultaneously playing softcore porn, and since the TVs were tuned in to their sister channels, the porn was on the news. Now the question is: Why are we not surprised that Europe shows softcore porn all day?
Check out XJ's $0.99 science-fiction novella on Amazon here, with the sequel OUT NOW. And of course, you should look at his writing blog and poke him on Twitter.
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