In an age where Fox News has a giant wall devoted to half-rendered Twitter farts, it's not too surprising to say that the bar for newsworthy sources has been set somewhere between drunken Facebook post and overheard street hobo ramblings.
And so, as we can't stop pointing out to you, it looks like at some point the biggest news sites in the world turned into that annoying guy at work who likes retelling half-read, fully-misunderstood news stories simply to have something to talk about. Well, the next time you're stuck with that guy, you can tell him that ...
3 Ariel Castro Didn't Die of Auto-erotic Asphyxiation
When word rang out of convicted sick-fuck Ariel Castro bailing out on his 1,000 years of imprisonment by way of suicide, America let out a resounding nod and carried on with their lives. But then we heard the juiciest part: He didn't actually mean to kill himself, he accidentally choked while "choking the chicken"! Delightful!
A biopic with Jason Biggs was fast-tracked immediately.