In conclusion, who Cumberbatch is playing is about as clear as a reflecting pool full of fuck all. For all we know, the cheekboneriffic thespian could be one of the Tuna Salad People of Antedes III masquerading around in some sort of British man-candy meat suit.
Paul Archuleta / Getty
The resemblance, it is uncanny.
And even though they'll spend weeks arguing over who the antagonist of this two-hour action movie is, the most ride-or-die Trekkies will hate Star Trek into Darkness anyway: 50 percent will be livid that the Enterprise's hull plating is colored "gun metal gray" instead of "Dakota granite," whereas the other 50 percent will be pissed that director J.J. Abrams left out that franchise-defining scene in which Montgomery Scott silently debates banging a walleyed cat woman.