Growing up: it used to be as easy as drinking your milk, preparing to work 1 job for 40 years, and not misusing the height of telecommunications (a landline phone). Now that all of that has changed (side note: turns out milk isn't all that good for you), what should we be teaching the new generation of kids about life on Earth? Also, hold on, we've all seen the Internet. Maybe the adult generation is the one that actually needs the advice.

On this week's podcast, Alex Schmidt is joined by Kristi Harrison (Cracked) and Andrew Ti ("Yo Is This Racist") to explore every lesson that ought to join the pantheon of Things We Tell Kids About Life. Find out why you might not be apologizing very well, why your retirement plan might be a mirage from the 80s, and most astonishingly, why Kim Kardashian and Guy Fieri are f***ing awesome.

Footnotes:

Yo, Is This Racist? (Earwolf)

5 Lessons I Never Knew I'd Have To Teach My Children (Cracked)

4 Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don't Step Forward (Cracked)

Life Expectancy Is, Overall, Increasing (Slate)

STEM crisis or STEM surplus? Yes and yes (Bureau of Labor Statistics)

James Damore's 15 Minutes Are Finally Up (New York Magazine)

50 Years Of Shrinking Union Membership, In One Map (NPR)

Dymaxion Man (The New Yorker)

Here's the Funniest Defense of Guy Fieri You'll Ever Hear (Vulture)

Blake Shelton's Racist, Homophobic & Sexist Tweets Are Unreal (Refinery29)

You (Time Person of the Year) (Wikipedia)

Sexiest Woman Alive (Esquire)

Kim Kardashian's mobile game has raked in $43 million so far (Mashable)

The 5 Most Obnoxious Ways People Screw Up Apologies (Cracked)

The Land of the Large Adult Son (The New Yorker)

The Key to Maurice Sendak's Success With Children? His Contempt for Adults (GOOD Magazine)

Flying Dutch (Tom Holt)

There's tons of great podcasting this week on Cracked:

Best Episode Ever goes down to the big yellow joint with their analysis of Arrested Development

Cracked Movie Club kicks off Quentin Tarantino month with Reservoir Dogs

And Daniel O'Brien and Cody Johnston take your questions on Cracked Mailbag, only available with the Cracked Private Reserve

If you're looking to support The Cracked Podcast and spruce up your wardrobe with some nifty tees, check out the awesome Cracked Podcast merch we've got at PodSwag.com

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