Wars involve a lot of pressure to be cool. It's why people sign up: the chance to be heroic, the chance to appear mighty, the chance to give a 'Patton' style speech in front of a giant version of your national flag. That heroic stuff is all well and good for the right cause. But what if that vibe hides the historical reality that thousands of years of wars often came down to goofy ideas straight out of a cartoon?

On this episode of The Cracked Podcast, Alex Schmidt is joined by comedians Logan Guntzelman and Eric Lampaert for a trip through the silliest, strangest, dopiest ideas that have ever won real battles. Discover world wars, civil wars, ancient bloodbaths, and other major conflicts that hinged on drugging honey, catapulting snakes, piling the right trash into the right boat-shaped pile, and other ridiculous "strategies."

Footnotes:

Logan Guntzelman's website

Eric Lampaert's website & upcoming live shows in Europe

See the first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR THIS WEEK! Get your tickets now for: Thursday April 11th -- Lincoln Hall, Chicago IL and Friday April 12th -- Amsterdam Bar and Hall, St. Paul MN.

6 Cartoonishly Simple Battle Plans That Worked (Cracked)

5 Stupid Lies That Changed The Outcome Of Historical Battles (Cracked)

4 Battles Won by Using Food as a Weapon (Cracked)

5 Real MacGyvers Who Won Battles With Improvised Weapons (Cracked)

The 6 Greatest Twist Endings in the History of Battle (Cracked)

How eating 'mad honey' cost Pompey the Great 1,000 soldiers (Research @ Texas A&M)

Fantastically Wrong: The Legend of the Kraken, A Monster That Hunts With Its Own Poop (Wired)

Cyclops Myth Spurred by 'One-Eyed' Fossils? (National Geographic)

Boston Dynamics "WildCat" robot

V-2 Missile (National Air & Space Museum)

How Britain Went to War With China Over Opium (The New York Times)

Haka (Encyclopedia Britannica)

The Only Time in History When Men on Horseback Captured a Fleet of Ships (Smithsonian)

More Episodes

 

11 Bizarre & Gross Problems That Took Over U.S. Cities

May 20, 2019

Hear us LIVE in Chicago: a city of coyotes, super-rats, and plumbing they forgot to install till later.

 Go Listen
 

7 Common Mistakes That Ruin Movie Sequels & Trilogies

May 13, 2019

Here's how Adventure Number Three forgets what made Numbers One and Two worth watching.

 Go Listen
 

10 Insane Real-Life Crimes Committed Through Video Games

May 6, 2019

Why steal fake in-game money when you can grift actual millions?

 Go Listen
 

How Lousy Life-Shortening Jobs Became America's Gig

April 29, 2019

Don't let the bastards use you to grind other people down.

 Go Listen
 

What Fascist Italy Reveals About Modern America

April 22, 2019

Benito Mussolini wanted to make Italy great again, and somehow that's more popular than ever.

 Go Listen
To turn on reply notifications, click here

2 Comments

Load Comments