Wars involve a lot of pressure to be cool. It's why people sign up: the chance to be heroic, the chance to appear mighty, the chance to give a 'Patton' style speech in front of a giant version of your national flag. That heroic stuff is all well and good for the right cause. But what if that vibe hides the historical reality that thousands of years of wars often came down to goofy ideas straight out of a cartoon?

On this episode of The Cracked Podcast, Alex Schmidt is joined by comedians Logan Guntzelman and Eric Lampaert for a trip through the silliest, strangest, dopiest ideas that have ever won real battles. Discover world wars, civil wars, ancient bloodbaths, and other major conflicts that hinged on drugging honey, catapulting snakes, piling the right trash into the right boat-shaped pile, and other ridiculous "strategies."


Logan Guntzelman's website

Eric Lampaert's website & upcoming live shows in Europe

See the first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR THIS WEEK! Get your tickets now for: Thursday April 11th -- Lincoln Hall, Chicago IL and Friday April 12th -- Amsterdam Bar and Hall, St. Paul MN.

6 Cartoonishly Simple Battle Plans That Worked (Cracked)

5 Stupid Lies That Changed The Outcome Of Historical Battles (Cracked)

4 Battles Won by Using Food as a Weapon (Cracked)

5 Real MacGyvers Who Won Battles With Improvised Weapons (Cracked)

The 6 Greatest Twist Endings in the History of Battle (Cracked)

How eating 'mad honey' cost Pompey the Great 1,000 soldiers (Research @ Texas A&M)

Fantastically Wrong: The Legend of the Kraken, A Monster That Hunts With Its Own Poop (Wired)

Cyclops Myth Spurred by 'One-Eyed' Fossils? (National Geographic)

Boston Dynamics "WildCat" robot

V-2 Missile (National Air & Space Museum)

How Britain Went to War With China Over Opium (The New York Times)

Haka (Encyclopedia Britannica)

The Only Time in History When Men on Horseback Captured a Fleet of Ships (Smithsonian)

More Episodes


A Tour Through The World’s Secret Rooms (with John Hodgman)

October 14, 2019

Go everywhere from Yale's secret tombs to an even more secret celebrities-only Walgreens.

 Go Listen

How Britain Accidentally-On-Purpose Colonized The World

October 7, 2019

Who among us hasn't stepped out of the house, gotten absent-minded, and come back with a quarter of Earth's land?

 Go Listen

14 Funny Strange Stories From The Lives Of Great Scientists

September 30, 2019

The Epic March Of Progress contains more alchemy, owl-eating, and drunk moose than you ever knew.

 Go Listen

12 Incredible Historical Artifacts That Somehow Still Exist

September 23, 2019

The past is a foreign country, and boy are its leftovers weird.

 Go Listen

How The CIA Quest For Mind Control Drove The World Insane

September 16, 2019

Sidney Gottlieb is a name you do not know. There are a million creepy reasons for that.

 Go Listen
To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments