24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

It's time to learn from the masters. No more being caught off guard. No more embarrassing retorts. No more long hours spent in the shower thinking up awesome comebacks to someone who burned you months ago.

No, it's time to arm yourself with a proper zing repertoire. So take some notes.

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Entry by Kevin King

24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

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Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff. The only difference between Hasselhoff and Hitler, at least Hitler knew when his career was over. EF POS5

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Entry by PookieJones

CRACKED COM They're not writers; they're typists. Sweaty typists blacking up pounds of bond paper with formless, eyeless, earless messages. -Truman

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Entry by Chan Teik Onn

THAT PART OF HIS SPEECH WAS RATHER LIKE BEING SAVAGED BY A DEAD SHEEP. DENIS HEALY, BRITISH LABOUR PARTY POLITICIAN, IN RESPONSE TO GEOFFREY HOWE'S

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CRACKED AFter proclaiming their intent of going to uriversity, the Irish pop stars, Jedward, got verbally buried by comedian Sean Lock.  think your b

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Entry by Wyrmologist

24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

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Entry by VirginAndy

Heckler: 'My mum died of cancer.' Jimmy Carr: 'What? Heckler: I only mentioned it because it was funnier than this.'

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Entry by JarOCats

Bulwer nauseates me; he is the very pimple of the age's humbug. There is no hope of the public, so long as he retains an admirer, a reader, or a publ

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Entry by VirginAndy

CRACKED Thouart a boil, a plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle, in my corrupted blood. William Shakespeare, King Lear, to his daughter Regan

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On an episode of Conan, Chelsea Handler made fun of Andy. Richter's weight by asking him IF he floats in the ocean. HIS RESPONSE WAS MAGICAL. Sure! W

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Entry by JarOCats

Gertrude Stein's prose-song is a cold black suet-pudding. We can represent it as a cold suet- roll of fabulously reptilian length. Cut it at any poi

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*FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT, READ IN AN,ENGLISH ACCENT Ah! We have a new hand gesture from the shadow chancellor. I would have thought after today's briefi

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Entry by JarOCats

As to Hemingway, I read him for the first time in the early forties, something about bells, balls, and bulls, and loathed it. - Vladimir Vladimirovi

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Seth Macfarlane at the Roast of Donald Trump: Donald... it's pronounced 'huge' not 'yuge' and here's another one , it's pronounced 'I am f*cking delu

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Entry by Chan Teik Onn

CRACKED Against Locke's philosophy in particular, L think it an unanswerable objection (if we needed any), that, although he carried his throat about

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Entry by Kevin King

CRACKED.COM OOo IT-Rm David Cross on Larry the Cable Guy: I guess one could say that you're 'telling it like it is.' And considering the vast amount

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Entry by PookieJones

You are the king Joffrey of pop. Jeff Ross, Comedy Central Justin Bieber Roast CRACKEDCON

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'd love to slap you across your face, but it looks like God already beat me to it.0 WWE wrestler Tazz insulting legendary commentator Jim Ross. CRACK

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This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This m

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Entry by JarOCats

CRACKED.COM I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it

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Entry by Alexius08

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ MY COUNTLESS KISSES, YOU THINK LESS OF ME AS A MAN? I WILL SODOMIZE YOU AND FACE-F YOU. -GAIUS VALERIUS CATULLUS ROMAN POET FROM 1

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Entry by Kevin King

Which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up? - Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog talking to a man in a Darth Vader suit at the premiere of

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Entry by VirginAndy

Roseanne Barr. during a monologue about her artificial insemination: It was just a little prick (kind of like having sex with Tom), and it only took

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Entry by Wyrmologist

Donald Trump: 4love Harrison Ford and notjust because he rents my properties. He stood up for America. He did in Air Force One.) Harrison Ford: It's

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