As we've pointed out before, ancient people were just as messed up as we are. Instead of Twitter, they had curse tablets: ancient shitposters would lay out a petty grievance, suggest a gruesome punishment, then toss it in a pit with a bunch of other complaints.
Someone stole your boots? Curse tablet. Mad at your neighbor? Curse tablet! A little horny? You know that's a curse tablet!
They were generally scrawled on a sheet of soft metal, but we wanted to give them the carved-in-stone treatment, as befits such timeless rage. Here are real quotes from the most brutal curse tablets ever chiseled: