Cool Survival Tips To Get You Through A Disaster

Many of us (particularly city slickers) have a curious gap in our disaster meter -- it skips from "jerky playback on Netflix" all the way to "civilization-ending kaiju outbreak." We freeze if we ever have to deal with anything in between. It's a blind spot big enough for several room-dwelling elephants to stroll through.

Sure, we can't teach you what to do if an engineered virus turns your loved ones into flesh-hungry mimes -- but we can give you some advice for much more likely (and realistically terrifying) scenarios, such as the following:

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CRACKED CON Damn, that monkey sure looks mad as hell. Quick! Give it your food. When monkeys become aggressive, it's usually because they think you ha

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Give someone half frozen to death a hot bath. If you want to kill them. Sudden warmth will open up vessels in the limbs, causing blood to rush away fr

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CRACKED COM Cold can be deadly without shelter Or a coat. Use dead leaves. Stuff your clothes with leaves for emergency insulation. You won't look or

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That bear is as scared as you are. Don't rush to play dead. Stay in large, loud groups SO as not to startle any bears. If you do startle one, back awa

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Entry by gicusudoru

Uh, oh. Is your elevator falling? Lie on the floor. If you can manage it, lie down flat on the floor. The force of the impact will be spread across yo

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CRACKED CON So you somehow managed to get constricted by a python. Be hard to swallow. Forget about prying the huge-ass snake off of you. But you can

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Entry by Zylie

Stepping on the gas pedal will never unstuck your car. But cat litter can. Litter doesn't just make living with pets more bearable - it'll also give y

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As a ship sinks, panic can make you take a wrong turn. Follow the rats. It's important to get to the deck as soon as possible - and the rats will show

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Entry by AM Smiley

You should always carry condoms and not just for the obvious reasons. A condom can save your life. Use it to store items you want to keep dry, such as

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Entry by Chan Teik Onn

When someone is drowning, ignore your first impulse. Don't jump to the rescue. If you do that, the victim may latch onto you in a panic, and you'd bot

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Entry by AM Smiley

You don't want to be struck by lightning, SO... Don't lie on the ground. Lightning causes electric currents in the ground, and you definitely don't wa

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Entry by AM Smiley

You big bozo, you got lost in the woods. Your 2 watch 9 3 8 4can be a 7 755 compass. Hold the watch flat and line up the hour hand with the sun. The p

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Entry by Jordan Rudow

CRACKEDcO There's been an accident. Paramedics are needed. Tell a specific 911 person to SMEBGENOY CALN call them. Don't yell at a crowd, Someone cal

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Entry by joeythegeek

Cool Survival Tips To Get You Through A Disaster

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Entry by AM Smiley

Stockings don't just look good. They're a nylon Swiss Army knife. Pantyhose can be a filter, a tourniquet, or a rope. And if it gets cold, you can eve

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No matches? The answer is inside you. Light a fire with your piss. Catch your yellow kidney juice in a clear bag or plastic wrapper, and you have a le

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Entry by jaoafallas

CRACKED COM Treading water for hours waiting to be rescued is exhausting. Use your pants as a life preserver. Tie the legs together at the ankles, and

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What to do if there is no fresh water around? You can drink dew. Wipe a cloth over clean grass and non-poisonous plants, then wring it out into a cont

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Entry by AM Smiley

The power is out and you have no candles. Use a crayon. Break off the tip and light the paper on crayon fire. Done! crayon You have a makeshift candle

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Entry by AM Smiley

Someone got wounded and no bandages are at hand. Dress the wound with a tampon. A tampon is good for emergency bandages. Split the gauze flat, apply i

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CRACKEDCO Do you have a plastic bag and (non-poisonous) plants? Then you have drinking water. Wrap the bag around a bunch of leaves, preferably in dir

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You know what to do if someone gets a snake bite, right? Exactly. Don't try to suck the venom out. You'll just damage the tissue around the bite, help

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CRACKED.COM Aaah! Wasps! Take your shirt off! If you're swarmed by vicious wasps or hornets, pull your shirt over your head to protect your face, eyes

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Someone swallowed poison? Don't Inducing vomiting make does more harm than good. Don't give them anything. Call a poison them control center instead,

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If a tornado catches you on the road, keep cool. Just find a McDonald's. If you see a fast food joint, drive towards it. The walk-in cooler will make

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