18 Sex Toys From People Who Have Clearly Never Had Sex

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Technology is great and cool, and making everyone's lives easier, right? The thing is, for every guy inventing self-driving cars, there's a guy in the back seat trying to figure out how to turn it it into a sex toy.

So here's a list of ridiculous, real sex toys, brought to you by the guys who could be out there inventing better cell phones or something. If you'd like to read more about these mind-boggling products, there's a link under each one to a related Cracked article.


THE JOY RIDE doesn't move, but its dildos will take you places. The product's web page is straightforward: Note that the Joy Ride is not a fully funcFrom 7 Completely Insane Sex Toy Designs.


TEDDY LOVE is down to go down on you. Unlike other sex toys (and like other teddy bears you use as such), Teddy Love can be left in plain sight. What From 5 Products To Celebrate Valentine's Day With Pure Horror.


CRACKEDO It's a clown vib- Wait, who the f*ck would want a CLOWN VIBRATOR? A clown approaching your private parts accompanied by a buzzing sound is soFrom 10 Sex Toys That Make Your Weirdest Fetish Seem Sane.


THE VAJANKLE CRACKEDO is more a horror movie prop than anything else. It's cool that the sex toy industry is trying to cater to foot fetishists. But sFrom 5 Sex Toys That Are Clearly Designed for Sociopaths.


Do you know what's lacking in your sex life? A PERISCOPE. If you're frustrated that you can't see four inches inside your partner's special areas, theFrom The 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys.


GRACKEDCON A company makes BABY JESUS butt plugs. When somebody says, you need Jesus in your life, they probably don't mean like this. Well now it'sFrom The 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys.