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Toys are carefully planned investments that companies spend countless hours developing in the hopes that children will use them to foster memories that they'll cherish for a lifetime. Sometimes.

Other times, toys are incredibly ill-conceived, embarrassing garbage that toy companies really want you to forget about. But we can't have that.

CRACKEDCON POLE! IT'S A STRIPPER FOR PRETEENS! pee kabo Poe This toy stripper pole, complete with a garter and money to stuff into it, could be found

CRACKED co DIDN'T LAST BARBIE OREO THE SHELVES. LONG ON Oreo Barbie, born in 1997 from a cross- ss-promotional partnership between Mattel and Nabisco,

CRACKEDCON TO PLAY WANTED YOU ALWAYS OF EGYPT. THE PLAGUES IT. WITH DON'T DENY und 23erH oDesD PLAGUES befohl auget atent, borgen de If anything is ri

OF A JUMBLE SPIRIT WAS SHAPE IN THE STEREOTYPES FIGURE. OF AN ACTION Everything about G.I. Joe figure Spirit was a Native American stereotype, startin

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CRACKEDCON THAN A CUDDLIER WHAT'S BABY? A PREMATURE BABY! In a misguided attempt at... well, something, Coleco released preemie Cabbage Patch Kids in

CRACKEDCO BABY PRINCESS DIANA WILL HAUNT YOU. Ashton-Drake Galleries makes creepy realistic baby dolls for adults to treat like real infants. Not dist

CRACKEDCON MOST WAS THE THIS TRICYCLE EVER. RECALL OBVIOUS The Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike brings a fantasy kingdom close to your children. S

CRACKEDCON KING IS TRULY JESUS OF KITSCH. Who knew Jesus was SO kick-ass at such a variety of activities? And the crown of thorns doesn't seem to both

CRACKEDGO O'NEIL WILL SHOW APRIL GOOD TIME. YOU A Hey, do you remember that episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where April was a streetwalker? Ne

PINK RIBBON wrer BARBIE HOW SHOWED GLAMOROUS CANCER CANCER CAN BE. In 2006, Mattel wanted to honor breast cancer survivors with their Pink Ribbon Barb

CRACKED CO JESUS WILL ANSWER GOD YOUR PRAYERS! GOD*JESUS SL1O2K 1e-ez $03 GACIi Sorry you had to find out this way, but the deity many of you pray to

CRACKED cO GO HIKING WITH KARL YOU CAN AND HIS FRIENDS! MARX OuNAY Japanese toy maker Mountain Research released a foursome of surveyors modeled after

AMAZONIA WOULD BARBIE LOST IN FEEL THE ACTUAL AMAZON. You'd have to travel the Amazon for years to find the one person Amazonia Barbie was inspired by

CRACKED COM SHOW BABYZ BRATZ TOO YOUNG YOU'RE NEVER MINX. TO BE A These dolls went through the whole process of being conceived, designed, pitched, ap

EasyBake ARE uD FINGERS BURN EASY TO WITH THE EASY-BAKE. For decades, the Easy-Bake Oven has allowed countless children to bake delicious, diabetes- i


AS A MONKEY? A BLACK PERSON ADORABLE! SAID. SOMEBODY EVER OBJECT. WILL NO ONE A sock monkey representing Barack Obama was released by a Utah-based

PEEAPOO PLUSHIES SWEDISH SH*T OUT THE WILL CONFUSE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Pec&poo There's making toilet training fun, and there's encouraging your toddlers
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