14 'Real' Headlines The Media's Too Afraid To Write (2/19)

The news these days is pretty much like Napoleon Dynamite's uncle Rico -- full of shit, bad ideas, and is kind of depressing. And, yeah, it probably has a mustache, because why not?

Luckily for you, our readers have taken this week's popular headlines and stripped them of all the bullshit so you can quickly digest all the important stuff, and spend as little time with a sad, creepy uncle as possible.

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And the winner is ...

Congrats, millerboyett. You win money.

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