A mistress that you don't even get the satisfaction of hooking up with, which is the worst kind of mistress.
Besides, disaster pays the bills: When bad weather comes, ratings spike. So your local weather forecaster has kind of a vested interest in seeing your town at least hypothetically destroyed by Mother Nature's righteous fury.
"Everyone working in weather would get excited if a snowstorm was coming or if a major hurricane was going to move up land and hit us with rain. I was interning in 2005 and 2006, so we really watched where hurricane remnants were going," David says. "Our chief meteorologist even said, 'Katrina is curving into Michigan. Shit. I was hoping it would hit us.' And, 'We're going to get rain from Rita! Send [a weatherman] outside for a report!' And other terrible things. Those were front-page-news storms, and since they came our way, people watched."
"We've got Roker-throwing winds out there, people! Get those cameras rolling!"
Declining local news ratings has made networks even hungrier for that sweet weather traffic -- so when a snowstorm rolls through your area, you can expect your local meteorologist to start dropping hashtags like a 45-year-old's understanding of a teenager. David says, "When a storm is coming, I'll put the headline in bold and use keywords. Freezing. Below Zero. Blizzard. White Out. Don't go outside. It gets traffic."
Huh. Using hyperbolic buzzwords in an attempt to get traffic? We can't condone that mind-blowingly insane practice at all.
Evan V. Symon is a personal experience team member, writer and interview finder guy for Cracked. Have an awesome job/experience? Hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org today!
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