Some runners do go independent and drive themselves to the meets, living off of the meager winnings. I did this for a year before being picked up, and it's not easy or glamorous: Many live in their cars. Remember how Happy Gilmore endlessly traveled from golf course to golf course until Subway finally sponsored him? It's like that, only marginally less depressing than Adam Sandler's movie career.

Even back in the early 1900s, they knew that flailing your arms like you're trying to achieve unpowered human flight isn't good practice. Besides, doing something like that in a race would get a runner disqualified, because flailing like one of those wacky inflatable dancing guys means you're more likely to smack a nearby runner. Yet even Tom Hanks did this in Forrest Gump. He's supposed to be a good long distance runner, but running like that screws up a person's airflow, making them exert way more energy than they need to. And they especially need that energy: In movies, runners basically sprint for the entirety of a mile-long race. That never happens. After 800 meters, even extremely fit runners start to fade. The goal is to have enough energy left to really sprint when you get closer to the finish line.

That's because you can't risk anything at the finish line. Another scene in Chariots Of Fire shows the runners celebrating juuust before crossing the finish line. That's a famously terrible idea. Check out this video of an Oregon race where the runner in the lead gave one wave to his family and was immediately passed by the dude behind him.

"Better keep waving that hand, son, because hitchhiking is the only way you're getting home."

Always keep your eyes on the prize. Or somebody else will take your prize. And videotape it. Then upload it to the Internet, where we'll all make fun of you forever.

Or else this could happen.

I've been injured tons of times. I'm always riding that line of "doing enough" and "over-doing." Training too much taxes your immune system, which makes it easier to get sick. There are muscle tears and bone spurs to worry about, too. Every professional runner has something: Foot problems, knee problems, ankle problems -- there is never a time when I am completely 100 percent. A Runner's World poll found that one in nine runners had a knee injury within the prior year.

But the biggest problem isn't tearing a muscle or having a kneecap pop out of place. (Although both are very real dangers.)

Muscle Pull

South Florida Sports Medicine

During longer races, runners draft like race cars -- following directly behind someone to minimize wind resistance. Runners wear shoes with a quarter inch of sharpened steel on them for grip. When drafting, any stride can send that cleated foot back right into your leg. Cleat wounds can end a career. Especially if all the dirt residue on the cleat gets in there and causes an infection. I almost ended another runner's career that way.

I was running a race in Belgium at a really crowded meet. One of my teammates went down in front of me and I had to hurdle over him. Meanwhile, another American runner, Darren Brown, cut in front right when I was landing. My spikes went right into his calf muscle and slid all the way down to his ankle. The entire last lap I thought to myself, "Oh my God, I ended his career" -- I could hear him screaming halfway across the track.

FloTrack

If I'd hit a major muscle, he might have been permanently hobbled. If my response sounds cold-blooded -- I flying spike-kick the poor bastard then leave him for the wolves -- you've gotta understand that ...

If someone goes down, we just run right by like a bunch of cold-hearted bastards. That's because the medics can't get out until all the runners have passed. That could mean several minutes of agony before help arrives. And if a runner does show human kindness and helps a fellow, he is disqualified. Survival of the fittest at its most literal.

Weekends are meaningless. I can't go to bars with friends, and I can't do happy hours. I put in 100 miles of running a week (some people put in up to 150). That's just the physical training: The best runners also get media coaching so they know how to answer questions like a normal human being, rather than a dangerously insane hermit with amazing thighs. Whenever an underdog with no media coaching wins, always stick around for the interview at the end. It's guaranteed to be entertainingly awkward, like a testimonial from The Office, only sweatier.

And it all depends on the trials. If the fastest person on Earth has a bad day and comes in fourth, they're not going to the Olympics. Remember that scene in Cool Runnings where the three runners fall during the Olympic qualifying race and there is no do-over? That totally happens.

The pressure gets to you. At the 2012 trials, where I competed, I ended up giving speed surges at the wrong times and came in fifth place. In a different race from mine, one of the top 10 runners in the world had two false starts and got disqualified. He threw his shoes into the crowd in frustration. Hopefully they didn't spike somebody's calf and ruin their career ...

Complex

Evan V. Symon is the interview finder guy and a personal experience team member at Cracked. Have an awesome job/experience you would like to share? Hit us up at tips@cracked.com!

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