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Imperialism did us no favors.
Technology is really only there to help people put their dongs into other people, or to prevent others from getting unwanted dongs put into them. This eternal technological sex conflict is called the Great Pervert War, and here are the latest weapons on both sides.
According to science, the world around you is dangerously full of hidden aphrodisiacs that can land you in bed, and even in long-term relationships, with someone who's totally wrong for you.
As much as we like to joke about the sorry state of the world, the facts really don't back us up.
There's nothing you can do about it, because the Universe is working to make sure the old man hates you forever.
'Just paint the logo green, those idiots will believe in anything.'
It turns out the world witches and warlocks are all on the Internet. You too can cast spells upon your enemies. All it takes is a mouse-click and a "reasonable fee."