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PoopyMcTrousers

I'm pretty sure I have latent super powers, but I think they're either ones with idiosyncratic and improbable activation conditions (e.g., Foxtrot-powered 'splosion rays, immunity to all kinetic damage that would otherwise severely maim or kill me, dominion over all matter in the nearest galaxy to our own) or they're simply just of a cosmically lame sort (e.g., omniscience with respect to location, shape, density, and material composition of all lint wads across the universe, ability to communicate with animals but only the stupid and racist ones, can achieve speeds anywhere from 1-10000 mph but must convert to kilometers first and to no fewer than 7 significant digits).

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