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Squirrels, goblins, and chickens, oh my!
The hardest level to these games is getting through therapy.
For the sake of this country, Trump and Obama must have a forbidden tryst over the next two months.
Step #1: Suck. Step #2: Forget you suck. Step #3: Remember you suck in front of 100 people.
If you Frankenstein-knit together all of the Episode VII rumors -- regardless of veracity -- you end up with THE MOST EXCITING STAR WARS TO STAR WAR IN THE STARS.
There's a lot of propaganda out there about not putting angel dust or airplane glue or thumbtacks in your face holes, and most of it is terrible.
WARNING: The scene you are about to witness is a chilling preview of humanityâ€™s future, but not humanityâ€™s far future. Maybe two haircuts from now. And if youâ€™re bald, you will grow a lustrous mane minutes after reading this article. Your scalp will soon sport some real 'Yanni Live at the Acropolis' shit.
You're shitting the bed, Hollywood.
Fun fact: Captain America's cinematic civil war almost pitted Tom Cruise against Dane Cook.
Here's how Adventure Number Three forgets what made Numbers One and Two worth watching.
Everything from 'Garfield' to 'Casablanca' has sequels, prequels, re-imaginings and more stuff you never wanted.
Happy 2018 to you, The Entire Planet.